Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (TV Series)

Dildo Factory (2007)

Jon Glaser: DJ Jesus

Quotes 

• RandomKid : What are you doing?

  DJ Jesus : Oh, I'm holding my arms out for three days and three nights. To break the world record. Y'know, we're also podcasting and videoblogging.

  RandomKid : Yeah? How do you go to the bathroom?

  DJ Jesus : A catheter.

  RandomKid : How do you go poop?

  Judas : That'd be me, right here! You wanna try it?

  RandomKid : Oh, boy, can I?

  Judas : Yeah, is it cool with you, Jesus?

  DJ Jesus : Yeah, it's all right, man!

  RandomKid : Thank you!

  Judas : Okay. Hold it under him.

  DJ Jesus : Here we go...

  Judas : Kid, hold it under him!

  RandomKid : Um... I don't wanna- Oh. Oh!

• DJ Jesus : Did you say your Dad has a dildo factory?

  Lucy : I did!

  Judas : Awesome!

• DJ Jesus : We want your dad to make a dildo of me breaking the world record for holding my arms out. We're going to auction it off on holdingmyarmsout.com

  Lucy : Really?

  DJ Jesus : Yes.

  Lucy : Wow.

  Judas : I'd buy it! For my mom! Uh... FOR YOUR MOM! WHOO! Huh?

• DJ Jesus : So many people have come by today and said that it doesn't look hard, what I'm doing, to hold your arms up like this at a 90 degree angle or higher is... I say, try it, okay? Try it. Most people can't even do it five minutes, forget about three days... I mean, come on...

• DJ Jesus : Yeah, they're stuck like this, um... some kind of paralysis. But I've got a great medical team. I'm not worried. We're going to fix it.