Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous (2007)

Charlie Sheen: Charlie Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Charlie Harper : How 'bout you? Do you, you hit the track?

  Greg : Yeah. It's actually my second biggest expense, after alimony.

  Charlie Harper : So, all your money goes to the nags, huh?

• Charlie Harper : [defending himself for the time he mistook a man for a woman]  I was drunk! He was tucked, taped, and gorgeous!

• Alan Harper : The depths of your degeneracy continue to astound me.

  Charlie Harper : [Looking puzzled]  Really? Still?

• Charlie Harper : I've got a riding crop in my bathroom that's never touched a horse!

• Berta : Alright! Don't get your panties in a bunch!

  Charlie Harper : What the hell's that supposed to mean?

  Berta : It means, don't get so agitated that your undergarments become entangled within your crack.

• Charlie Harper : [about relationships and sexual orientation]  I mean, I just think that variety is the spice of life. And as far as spices go, some people like salt, some people like pepper, some people like salt *and* pepper. Me? I like women.

• Greg : So, Charlie! I am guessing by the stack of racing forms next to the can, you bet the ponies.

  Charlie Harper : Hey, I'd bet on rabbits if you could get 'em organized.

• Charlie Harper : Berta, how long have you been working for me?

  Berta : Define working.

• Jake Harper : Sophie says soccer is the most popular sport in the world.

  Charlie Harper : Well, then they don't need *us* to watch it.

• Charlie Harper : You put single men and women on folding chairs in a church basement, they're gonna start mounting each other!

• Alan Harper : Maybe that's the answer!

  Charlie : What was the question?

  Alan Harper : Who is Alan Harper?

  Charlie : Well, that's easy. Alan Harper is an idiot!