- Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi: So, did you hear? Phil Roth is in the house!
- Betty Suarez: Oh! You know who Philip Roth is? Author of 'Portnoy's Complaint', 'Goodbye, Columbus'...
- Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi: ...'American pastoral', yeah. Not everyone who makes sandwiches is a lunk.
- Betty Suarez: What?! Who's Phil Roth?
- Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi: He writes books on how to pick up chicks.
- Betty Suarez: [shrugs] Oh, my god! Daniel said Phil Roth, but I just thought he was doing his annoying casual thing... Bobby de Niro, Marty Scorsese. I don't want to interview a guy who writes books like that.
- Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi: Hey! You get to write an article, okay? Now, go in there with an open mind. He's actually got a lot to say!
- Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi: [at a Bar] I think I'm going to go for that blondie over there.
- Betty Suarez: Gio, don't you think she's a little out of your league?
- Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi: League?! I'm a guy. The universe is my league!
- Henry Grubstick: Statistically speaking, two test subjects increases your chances of validating this mating theory.
- Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi: You should open with that, chicks would love it.
- Henry Grubstick: Hey! I can Tap That better than you.
- Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi: Are you serious?
- Henry Grubstick: Serious as a nova.
- Betty Suarez: Guys, no, this is my research, not a contest.
- Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi: [to a girl at the bar] Cute outfit! You know, some people may call it 'slutty' but I think it really works on you.
- Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi: [to a girl at the bar] It's so nice to meet a girl who dosen't buy into the whole skinny thing.
- Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi: I told that girl over there that I'm going to Iraq next week. Gotta strike now.
- Betty Suarez: Classy.