30 Rock (TV Series)

The Collection (2007)

Alec Baldwin: Jack Donaghy

Quotes 

• Jack : Lemon, I'm impressed! You're beginning to think like a businessman.

  Liz Lemon : A business woman.

  Jack : I don't think that's a word.

• Liz Lemon : What's with the cookie jar?

  Jack : I collect them.

  Liz Lemon : Really, is that some kind of unresolved childhood thing?

  Jack : Nice try. We never had any cookie jars in my home because my mother never baked us any cookies because she never felt we deserved any cookies. So obviously it has nothing to do with my childhood.

  Liz Lemon : But that cookie jar says "mom" on it.

  Jack : Er, I don't think so. I've always viewed it as an upside down "wow."

• Jack : Every time I meet a new person I figure out how I'm gonna fight 'em.

• Jack : You like cookie jars, Kenneth?

  Kenneth Parcell : Well, I guess I never thought about it that much. We had a nice one back home in Georgia. It had a bear on it. I remember when my mom's friend Ron would come over. They'd go into the bedroom to sort out their paperwork, and I'd just go ahead and stare at that cookie jar. It was almost as if I took every problem that I ever had and I put it inside that cookie jar. And I sealed it up so tight that nothin' would ever, ever, ever get out. So, I guess to answer your question, I'd give cookie jars about a B.

  Jack : Some people have so many problems that there aren't enough cookie jars in the world to contain them.

• Liz Lemon : Wait. You hired someonene to investigate yourself. That's weird.

  Jack : Well, you do the same thing with your therapist every week, don't you?

• Lenny Wosniak : It's pretty simple, really. I'm gonna go through your life with a fine tooth comb. And the more information I have, the easier this is gonna be. Now, have you ever been arrested?

  Jack : I have. The 1976 Democratic National Convention. But it's OK, I was there beating up hippies.

  Lenny Wosniak : And what about your family? Any skeletons there?

  Jack : My brother Eddie sells faulty sprinkler systems to elementary schools. My cousin Tim fixes NBA games. My mother's an Olympic level racist. But as for the rest, they're too drunk to do much of anything. Unless getting thrown out of a Chili's is a crime.