Quotes
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Jack Donaghy : The ceiling appears to be leaking.
Cooter Burger : No, it's not. We've looked into it and it's not.
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Jack Donaghy : Do you need a pen?
Cooter Burger : Nope. I've kind of gotten used to it.
Jack Donaghy : You don't have pens?
Cooter Burger : We're not in a recession.
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Cooter Burger : Hey, we have a meeting with the appropriations committee, like, now.
Jack Donaghy : Oh no. I'm not prepared.
Cooter Burger : I know. I'm not drunk either, but we'll manage.
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Cooter Burger : Yes! I am so on a roll. No crying in my bath tonight.
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Jack Donaghy : Cooter, look at this place. This can't be what you want in life. Haven't you ever thought about leaving?
Cooter Burger : Of course. Every day. Every day for two years. Look at these resignation letters
[opens desk drawer, takes out a bunch of filed letters]
Cooter Burger : They're written in ketchup, dirty rock, leak water... But now you're here. You're here and everything's gonna be better. Now we've got pens. Glorious pens!
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Jack Donaghy : Whatever we come up with has gotta be wasteful, embarrassing to the administration and upsetting to the voters.
Cooter Burger : Holy smoke!
Jack Donaghy : What have you got?
Cooter Burger : In 1994, the Pentagon explored the possibility of a non-lethal chemical weapon that would, quote, "reduce enemy soldiers combat posture by making them totally gaybones for each other."
Jack Donaghy : How gay?
Cooter Burger : It doesn't say. The project was abandoned in the planning stages.
Jack Donaghy : Of course it was. It would've been expensive, impractical and offensive to both the red states and the gayer blue states.
