House M.D. (TV Series)
Airborne (2007)
Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Gregory House : [to a kid] Can you say "Crikey Mate"?
12 year old boy : Crikey Mate.
Dr. Gregory House : Perfect. Now, no matter what I say, you'll agree with me, okay?
12 year old boy : Okay.
Dr. Gregory House : Nicely done.
[to a foreign man]
Dr. Gregory House : You, disagree with everything I say.
Hamid : Sorry, not understand.
Dr. Gregory House : That's close enough.
[to a woman]
Dr. Gregory House : And you - get morally outraged by everything I say.
[House writes the symptoms on a white board]
Sour Faced Woman : That's permanent marker, you know.
Dr. Gregory House : Wow, you guys are good.
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Dr. Gregory House : [to a parent about her crying daughter] Give her twenty milligrams of antihistamine. Could save her life 'cause if she doesn't shut up, I'll kill her.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : [looking up exasperated] Delivering goodwill to yet another continent.
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Keo the Flight Attendant : [a passenger, Pang, looks sick] Sir, are you all right?
Dr. Gregory House : [bluntly] He's drunk.
Dr. Gregory House : [Pang vomits] See?
Keo the Flight Attendant : [asks something from Pang in Hawaiian]
Peng : [mutters something in Korean]
Keo the Flight Attendant : Does anyone speak Korean?
[no one replies]
Keo the Flight Attendant : Is anyone a doctor?
Dr. Gregory House : [sharply] Yes!
[gets up]
Dr. Gregory House : I'll go get her.
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Dr. Gregory House : [having checked Cuddy's heartbeat by pressing his ear against her chest] Heart is fine, breasts are firm.
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Dr. Lisa Cuddy : And the room service thing was just spiteful.
Dr. Gregory House : I was hungry.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : $300 for a bottle of wine.
Dr. Gregory House : I was thirsty.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : $120 on video services.
Dr. Gregory House : I was lonely.
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Dr. Gregory House : Nobody speak Korean on this flight?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : I assumed you did.
Dr. Gregory House : I know how to ask him if his sister's over eighteen. I just don't think that's gonna help.
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Dr. Lisa Cuddy : [to Keo] Tell the captain to drop as low as he can under five thousand feet.
Keo the Flight Attendant : We're at thirty eight thousand. We...
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Peng's got the bends.
Dr. Gregory House : Went diving yesterday. Like an idiot, he surfaced too quickly. Like a bigger idiot, he boarded a flight which is pressurized to 8,000 feet above sea level. Low pressure is killing him. Tell the pilot to dive until we can club baby seals out of the window.
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Dr. Gregory House : Look that way.
[points to the side]
Joy the Blonde : Why?
Dr. Gregory House : Because you're going to throw up, and I don't want it on me.
[she throws up]
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Dr. Gregory House : Condoms. He has focal limb paralysis.
12 year old boy : His legs got paralyzed by a condom?
Dr. Gregory House : No, by cocaine. Was inside the condom, is now spreading through his digestive tract.
Sour Faced Woman : [doesn't like the graphic description] Eww.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : You think he's a mule.
Dr. Gregory House : I think he's a jackass. We're gonna have to operate.
12 year old boy : [enthused] Cool.
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12 year old boy : What's extension of pastory?
Dr. Gregory House : It's when you're molested by a priest's cousin.
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Dr. Gregory House : [to Joy] You're pregnant.
Joy the Blonde : I'm what?
Dr. Gregory House : Explains the nausea, abdominal pains, fever. And why you're stuffing your 36Cs into a 34B bra.
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Dr. Gregory House : [to Cuddy as he examines her] Need to get a better look at your rash.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Use your imagination.
Dr. Gregory House : Fine. Shall I go with "Lifeguard Cuddy" or "Mother Superior Cuddy"?
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Dr. Gregory House : [to the passengers over the P.A. system on the airplane] Yo! Listen up! Bad news is you have an illness. The good news is, it's not meningitis.
[the passengers sigh in relief]
Dr. Gregory House : It's not fatal. It's just embarrassing. It's conversion disorder. More commonly known as mass hysteria. It happens often in high anxiety situations, especially to women. I know it sounds sexist, but science says you're weak and soft. What can I do?
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Dr. Lisa Cuddy : [to House] Thank you.
Dr. Gregory House : I saved your life. You owe me.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : I wasn't sick.
Dr. Gregory House : But you didn't know that. You owe me.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : I know it now.
Dr. Gregory House : Your mind convinced your body to get a rash, photophobia and vomit. How'd you know it wouldn't have shut down your cold, cold heart next?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : [smiles; shakes her head] I don't owe you.
Dr. Gregory House : You're mean.
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Dr. Gregory House : [as he examines the rash on Peng's leg] Thin leg. It's been in a cast.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : So?
Dr. Gregory House : So it could be radiation poisoning.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : From a broken leg?
Dr. Gregory House : From the X-rays they took of it.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : He could break every bone in his body and still not have enough x-rays to cause radiation sickness.
Dr. Gregory House : Unless those X-rays were performed in Wankoff, North Korea by a 3rd-grade dropout with a 50-year-old imager.