30 Rock (TV Series)
The Fighting Irish (2007)
Tina Fey: Liz Lemon
Photos
Quotes
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Jack Donaghy : Lemon, come here - you've got to see this. It's a video of a baby panda sneezing. Sit here.
[Liz sits and Jack starts the video]
Jack Donaghy : Don't watch the mother; just watch the baby.
Liz Lemon : Oh, that is the cutest thing I've ever seen!
Jack Donaghy : Isn't that adorable? You have to fire ten percent of your staff.
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Liz Lemon : [to Jack] I want you... to punch your sister in the face.
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Tracy Jordan : So, what's your religion, Liz Lemon?
Liz Lemon : Hmm, I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tells me to.
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Jack Donaghy : Oh, I had to re-hire that Liz Lemler that you fired.
Liz Lemon : Okay.
Jack Donaghy : And I didn't want any more trouble with her, so I had to give her a promotion, too.
Liz Lemon : Fantastic.
Jack Donaghy : It's an amazing opportunity for her, out at... corporate headquarters.
Liz Lemon : In Connecticut? She's transferred to Connecticut?
Jack Donaghy : Yes. That's right. It seems that things are lining up once again for old Liz Lemon.
[Liz smiles]
Jack Donaghy : And you say...
Liz Lemon : Thank you, Jack.
Jack Donaghy : You're welcome.
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Pete Hornberger : Hey, Liz! Hey! You can't fire the other Liz unless she's in the bottom ten percent.
Liz Lemon : Uh, you can just tell she is, by her stupid face.
Pete Hornberger : You're a better person than this.
Liz Lemon : Jack has given me absolute power. I am the decider.
Pete Hornberger : Okay, you can't just do this.
Liz Lemon : I'm not gonna just do anything. I have a plan. Step one: befriend the enemy and gather information. Then, use the information to drive her into the bottom ten percent.
Pete Hornberger : Good lord! Your eyes - you look like that lady astronaut who tried to kidnap that other woman.
Liz Lemon : Hey, that was a lady with a plan. Diapers, Mace, Houston to Orlando in nine hours - blam-o!
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[at the NBC Fitness Center]
Jenna Maroney : What class do you wanna take?
Liz Lemon : Uh, anything that doesn't have the word "strip," "salsa," or "beats" with a "z" in the name of it.
Jenna Maroney : Cardio Hip-Hop Groove it is, then.
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Jack Donaghy : You have to fire ten percent of your staff.
Liz Lemon : What?
Jack Donaghy : We have to synergize backward overflow.
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Liz Lemon : Ten percent? I can't fire any of these people!
Pete Hornberger : Who cares? Getting fired is better than getting killed by my wife, with those big farm-people hands crushing my windpipe.
Liz Lemon : Everything okay at home, buddy?
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Pete Hornberger : Remember that little secret I told you about Hornberger family planning?
Liz Lemon : You mean that you flat-out lied about getting a vasectomy? Don't tell me *that* backfired.
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Tracy Jordan : Hey, Liz Lemon: Do you know where I could find a good church?
Liz Lemon : How good? Like, Judaism-good, or just, like, Unitarian?
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Liz Lemon : Can I help you?
Eddie Donaghy : Yeah, sweetheart: I'm looking for Jack Donaghy.
Liz Lemon : And you are?
Eddie Donaghy : Eddie Donaghy - Jack's brother.
Liz Lemon : Really? 'Cause Jack never mentioned a brother, and his name is "Donagee," not "Donahee."
Eddie Donaghy : [considering her] You know, you could be pretty if you didn't scowl so much.
[Liz immediately believes Eddie]
Liz Lemon : Tracy, this is Jack's brother, Eddie.
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Cerie : Oh, Liz? Did you put your check in already?
Liz Lemon : Oh, no.
[takes out her checkbook]
Liz Lemon : What do I make it out to - "Chicago All-Saints Hospital"?
Cerie : Eddie just said to write the initials on the check.
[Liz speaks to herself as she writes]
Liz Lemon : C-A-S-H... Son of a bitch!
[Liz looks through the box of checks; all are addressed to CASH]
Cerie : [helpfully] Eddie already took the other box.
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Jack Donaghy : I was impressed by how you take a punch, Lemon.
Liz Lemon : Uh, I played dead for the worst of it, but it didn't fool your family.
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Eddie Donaghy : Wow! I bet Pop's lookin' down right now and saying, "If I could come back and do any broad, it'd be that one right there."
Liz Lemon : [chuckles and then speaks seriously] Ew.
