Photos
Quotes
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Jack Donaghy : I want you on this, Lemon. Those jokes you wrote for my Mitt Romney fundraiser, they were top-notch.
Liz Lemon : Those weren't jokes! That was an appeal for a return to common sense and decency.
Jack Donaghy : Well, they got big laughs.
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Liz Lemon : I'm really sorry about what I did. And I know you can't forgive me but just to even things out, here is all my weird secret stuff. I have been sexually rejected by not one, but two guys who later went to clown college. I get super nervous whenever I hear a vacuum cleaner because when I was a kid, my mom used to turn on the vacuum to drown out the sound of her and my dad fighting. Which is why I rarely vacuum my apartment. Like, never. I have had three doughnuts so far today. Once in college, I pooped my pants a little bit at a country steaks all you can eat buffet and I didn't leave until I finished my second plate of shrimp. A couple months ago, I went on a date with my cousin. Wow, I am a mess. There is an 80% chance that in the next election I will tell all my friends that I'm voting for Barack Obama but I will secretly vote for John McCain. Here's one: when I was a kid, I used to put on my fanciest nightgown and then I would mix orange soda and cream soda in a champagne glass and I would sit in the dark and watch The Love Boat. Consequently, I have some weird sexual fantasy stuff about Gopher from The Love Boat. And I lied. I have had five doughnuts today.
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Liz Lemon : You're worried about that guy?
Jack Donaghy : Banks is in New York for a reason, and I intend to send him back to L.A.
Liz Lemon : Wow, if this turns into a showdown, you guys could settle it with a
[imitating Jack's gravelly voice]
Liz Lemon : "talking like this contest."
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Jack Donaghy : Good God; Devon is gay. He's even more powerful than I thought.
Liz Lemon : [facetiously] Maybe you should seduce him and get him to tell you all his secret plans.
[cut to Kenneth sitting in front of Jack's desk]
Kenneth Parcell : So, Mr. Donaghy, what can I do for you?
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[it is the night of Jack's big NBC fireworks show. Liz, Pete, and Floyd watch on TV]
Al Roker : [on TV] Welcome to the "Rockefellar Center Salute to Fireworks." Now, without further ado, three hours of fireworks!
[numerous fireworks surround the building, growing in intensity]
Floyd : Wait, fireworks... in midtown?
Liz Lemon : On a day that's *not* the 4th of July.
[the fireworks continue to gain intensity and a high shot on TV shows what looks like explosions surrounding the building]
Pete Hornberger : [spits out his popcorn] Oh, my God!
Liz Lemon : [dryly] Oh, boy. That's gonna scare a lot of people.
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Liz Lemon : But he was going to church in the middle of the day on a Tuesday. What do you think that means?
Pete Hornberger : It means he probably murdered someone and found God while he was in jail. Maybe he's born-again?
Liz Lemon : Ugh, boy. We'll spend our Saturdays in Central Park trying to "save" gay rollerbladers.
