Photos
Quotes
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Tracy Jordan : I think I am.
Maury Povich : Tracy, meet your father, Tom!
Tracy Jordan : No! I hate you, Thomas Jefferson! I don't know who I am anymore! You can't be my father!
Sally Hemings : Hey, Maury. He's a dog! He's a dog!
Maury Povich : Sally Hemmings just called you a dog, Thomas Jefferson.
Thomas Jefferson : No matter, Maurice. I am here for you, Tracy Jordan. I rode a horse all the way from heaven to tell you something important. America, which I invented...
[the audience boos, and Jefferson makes a pixelated rude gesture to the audience]
Thomas Jefferson : ... which I invented, is a great country because we are not burdened by our pasts. Embrace who you are, Tracy Jordan. And may the force be with you always.
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Jack Donaghy : I want you on this, Lemon. Those jokes you wrote for my Mitt Romney fundraiser, they were top-notch.
Liz Lemon : Those weren't jokes! That was an appeal for a return to common sense and decency.
Jack Donaghy : Well, they got big laughs.
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Liz Lemon : You're worried about that guy?
Jack Donaghy : Banks is in New York for a reason, and I intend to send him back to L.A.
Liz Lemon : Wow, if this turns into a showdown, you guys could settle it with a
[imitating Jack's gravelly voice]
Liz Lemon : "talking like this contest."
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Jack Donaghy : Good God; Devon is gay. He's even more powerful than I thought.
Liz Lemon : [facetiously] Maybe you should seduce him and get him to tell you all his secret plans.
[cut to Kenneth sitting in front of Jack's desk]
Kenneth Parcell : So, Mr. Donaghy, what can I do for you?
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[Jack wants a naïve Kenneth to gather intelligence about Devon Banks]
Jack Donaghy : You should get to know Devon; tell him all of your television ideas. You know, he started off as a page, just like you.
Kenneth Parcell : Really? So did I!
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Jack Donaghy : Banks is no slouch: He pioneered the concept of ten-second internet sitcoms.
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Maury Povich : All right, Tracy, l have the DNA results right here. Are you ready to find out who your biological father is?
Tracy Jordan : I think I am.
Maury Povich : Tracy... meet your father, Tom!
Tracy Jordan : [Jack enters dressed as Thomas Jefferson] No! l hate you, Thomas Jefferson! l don't know who l am anymore! You can't be my father!
Sally Hemings : Maury, he a dog! He a dog and a liar!
Maury Povich : Sally Hemings just called you a dog, Thomas Jefferson
Jack : [as Thomas Jefferson] No matter, Maurice. l'm here for you, Tracy Jordan. l rode a horse all the way from Heaven to tell you something important. America, which l invented...
Crowd : Booooooo!
Jack : [as Thomas Jefferson] ... Which I invented, is a great country because we are not burdened by our pasts. Embrace who you are, Tracy Jordan. And may the Force be with you always.
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Jack Donaghy : I want you to tell me everything that happened last night.
Kenneth Parcell : The curtains open on a group of chorus line dreamers in 1970s leotards. Five...
Jack Donaghy : Stop that. I'm not talking about the show. The only reason I sent you to Banks was to get information. Why were you telling him anything?
Kenneth Parcell : I'm sorry, sir. I had to keep talking just to stop him from putting his fingers in my mouth.
Jack Donaghy : Kenneth, you are the worst gay bait ever.
Kenneth Parcell : You used me?
Jack Donaghy : For television. Kenneth, I humiliated you for television.
Kenneth Parcell : Like on "What's Happening?" when that man used Rerun to bootleg that Doobie Brothers concert!
Jack Donaghy : Exactly. And I need to humiliate you again. I got a very important meeting coming up and Banks cannot be there.
Kenneth Parcell : And you want me to kill him.
Jack Donaghy : No. I need you to distract him. You gotta make sure he doesn't leave that hotel room tomorrow morning.
Jack Donaghy : I'll do it. Just like Sidney Bristow on "Alias," I'll use my sexuality as a weapon. To the wig shop!
