The Office (TV Series)

Safety Training (2007)

Rainn Wilson: Dwight Schrute

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Michael is on the roof and Dwight is below with a bullhorn] 

  Michael Scott : My life! Oh, my life!

  Dwight Schrute : Michael, what's wrong?

  Michael Scott : Everything's wrong. The stress of my modern office has caused me to go into a depression!

  Dwight Schrute : Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling "bummed out"?

  Michael Scott : Dwight, you ignorant slut! Depression is a very serious illness. Over 32,000 people commit suicide every year according to a 2004 study.

  Dwight Schrute : Is that the last year the data was available?

  Michael Scott : Yes.

• Dwight Schrute : Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned?

  Jim Halpert : Andy, Dwight says welcome back and that he could use a hug.

  Dwight Schrute : Okay. Tell him that that's not true.

  Jim Halpert : Dwight says that he actually doesn't know one single fact about bear attacks.

  Dwight Schrute : Okay, no, Jim.

  Andy Bernard : [chuckles]  You guys.

  Dwight Schrute : Tell him that bears can climb faster than they can run. Jim, tell him!

  [Andy walks away to his desk] 

  Jim Halpert : Andy... No, it's too far.

  Dwight Schrute : [pause]  Damn you.

• Dwight Schrute : Hey! Guys, listen up, Michael is up on the roof and acting strange.

  Andy Bernard : Whoa! What's the situation?

  Dwight Schrute : Un-shun. I think he's suffering from depression. Re-shun.

  Andy Bernard : Okay, when's the shunning thing going to end?

  Dwight Schrute : Un-shun. Never. Re-shun. I think he wants you all to come out to the parking lot and watch him *die*.

  Stanley Hudson : Is it nice outside?

  Dwight Schrute : It's gorgeous. Let's go!

  Stanley Hudson : Do I need my jacket?

  Dwight Schrute : No, it really is. It's very nice. Come on!

  Ryan Howard : Will I be too warm in a long-sleeve tee?

  Dwight Schrute : Everyone's going to be fine in exactly what they're wearing! Let's go!

• Michael Scott : [after bouncing a watermelon onto a car by accident]  Whoa, whoa, whoa! Deactivate the car alarm, clean up the mess.

  Dwight Schrute : Okay.

  Michael Scott : Find out whose car that is. If it's Stanley's, call the offices of James P. Albini, see if he handles hate crimes.

• Dwight Schrute : [about Michael jumping off the roof onto a bouncy castle]  When you land, try and land like an eight-year-old. These bouncy castles are not designed for adults.

• Dwight Schrute : Yes. I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique. It's like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.

• Michael Scott : [comparing the warehouses's safety training to theirs]  They used props, they used visual aids and they just made us look like dopes.

  Dwight Schrute : Idiots! God, what are we going to *do*?

  Michael Scott : I don't know. I don't know. Because you know what our killer is?

  Michael Scott : [simultaneously]  Depression.

  Dwight Schrute : [simultaneously]  Wolves.

  Michael Scott : [pause]  Depression.

  Dwight Schrute : Visual aids?

  Michael Scott : Yes.

  Dwight Schrute : A quilt. A depression quilt?