Zombie Strippers! (2008)

Robert Englund: Ian

Photos 

Quotes 

• Cole : Put the gun down, Ian.

  Ian : How do I know that you're not one, huh?

  Cole : [takes the gun and points it at Ian]  How do I know *you're* not one of them?

  Madame Blavatski : Because zombie doesn't piss in pants. You two! Boys with toys. Stop this foolish nonsense. We must work together.

• Ian : Let me put it to you this way: you are useless! You're dead to me. And I mean, real dead, not like dead dead. You got *nothing* - until you can do what those zombie bitches can do.

• Ian : Back off, you walking herpe you!

  Jeannie : [touching his jacket]  This is nice.

  Ian : [slapping her hand away]  Never touch. Not the jacket. Not the shirt. Not the hair. You touch me again, I'll kill you!

• Ian : Tired of that same old lap dance? Well pull up an extra seat, young fellas, and experience Rhino's exclusive face dance! One of our lovely ladies will sit on your face and give birth to your head!

• Ian : Remember the Alamo. Davy Crockett.

  Paco : Whatever.

• Cole : Hey, you think this is a good idea? I mean, wasn't that bitch dead a minute ago?

  Ian : Fuck it. What's the worst that can happen?

• Paco : [after seeing that a bar patron has been killed]  Holy shit! Hey, do I have to clean this mess up?

  Ian : [points to Paco's hand]  You see this! You see this! What color is that?

  Paco : Cappuccino?

  Ian : Right. Meaning you're cleaning this entire fucking mess up. Can you handle that? Or, do I have to go find somebody else out in front of Home Depot?

• Ian : Let's see if I got this straight - our best stripper is a reanimated corpse who is feeding off the living flesh of our customers, who in turn reanimate, even if they're just a fucking head?

  [nervously laughs] 

  Ian : You don't see this as a problem?

• Berengé : Look, Ian, these zombies... they scare me. I can't sleep. I'm having nightmares.

  Ian : Don't worry about them then.

  Berengé : They're murdering flesh-eating monsters!

  Ian : They're harmless.

• Ian : Make like a tree and get the fuck out of here!

• Terrence : Okay, anyone know how to use these?

  Ian : [brief silence until Ian realises everyone is looking to him for an answer]  Um... something about the safety being off... I saw that in a movie. Hey! The law says I can own them, not that I have to know how to use them.

• Ian : What the fuck is going on here? Look, you pert little minxy slut, you get back out there right now or you're dead to me.

• Berengé : I don't trust you. You're planning something.

  Ian : Who? Little old me?