- Dr. Kelso: [to Keith] You nagger.
- Snoop Dogg Intern: What did you call him, punk-ass?
- Dr. Kelso: A nagger.
- Snoop Dogg Intern: OK, we're cool.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: How do you know sign language?
- Janitor: Well when I was in high school, I was a volunteer janitor at the Hoboken Zoo. And one night I was out plucking peacock feathers to sell for pens, when I noticed Gary the Gorilla making the sign for food. I gave him my Danish. He gave the sign for "Thank you". Those were the only two signs that Gary knew, except for boobs. He liked 'em big and hairy.
- Todd: Join the club, player.
- Janitor: Get away.
- Todd: Okay.
- Janitor: So eventually, Gary I'm sorry to say died of lung cancer. For that I blame myself, because I used to share my smokes with him. But he also piqued my interest in signing. And in his memory, I took my first signing class.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Is any of that true?
- Janitor: Someone would have to read it back to me.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: [referring to a deaf patient's deaf father] You know what's weird? He doesn't seem like a bad dad. He really loves that kid.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Must be hard with the divorce, barely gets to see his son.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: It would kill me.
- Janitor: Maybe being deaf was the biggest connection he and his son had. You know when I was a kid, I made my dad teach me sign language so I could communicate with my deaf sister. Ended up closer with her than with anyone. Maybe Mr. Frances is afraid of losing that.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Is any of that true?
- Janitor: Mostly. My dad died before I was born.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Wait a minute, I met your dad.
- Janitor: You met a MAN.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Dr. Cox!
- Dr. Perry Cox: What? What now? What does somebody need now?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Our deaf patient's father won't sign a consent form so he can have a cochlear implant.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Hmm. Who could you possibly go to if the FATHER won't sign. Here's a hint: it begins with an M
- [He draws an M in the air]
- Dr. Perry Cox: and ends
- [He draws an R]
- Dr. Perry Cox: with an R.
- Janitor: Marg Helgenberger!
- Dr. Perry Cox: The MOTHER! Get the mother to sign it. The mother will sign it!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: The mother, I told you.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: The mother! Come on, man.
- Janitor: Glad it's not Marg. We did not end well. Hell hath no fury like a Helgenberger scorned.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Okay, what's the problem?
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Laverne was our friend, and people are walking around like she never existed. It's not right, you know?
- Dr. Perry Cox: Yep, tough crowd.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Excuse me?
- Dr. Perry Cox: You can't tell other people how to feel, you just can't. Some wanna cry, and that's fine. Others may choose to laugh, and guess what, that's okay too. Plus, you don't know what's going on inside people's heads. Take um,
- [Dr. Cox points to Doug]
- Dr. Perry Cox: take Pee-Pants here. Now how do you know he's not thinking about Laverne right now?
- Doug: I am thinking about her. I haven't seen my cell phone since her autopsy.
- [Realizes]
- Doug: You don't think if I call it...
- Dr. Perry Cox: You're done.
- [to Carla]
- Dr. Perry Cox: So to sum up: tough crowd. Hope that helps.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: You know what? I mean, if I really did have deep feelings for Keith, I would've told him by now. Maybe it is time to move on.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: That's a bunch of crap.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Excuse me?
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: You're a chicken. In the last six years, I've seen you get really close to one guy, and that was J.D., and he crushed you. And since then, you've been so scared of getting hurt, I've seen you sabotage every relationship you've been in. Honestly, you must be crazy about Keith to let him have survived this long. But don't worry, you'll be alone again soon enough.
- J.D.: Turk, there was no sour ball.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: I knew that, I just didn't want to believe it.
- Mr. Frances: [to his son] My lip reading really is horrible, because they couldn't be talking about sour balls while there is a sick child in the room.
- Jordan Sullivan: What's wrong with Jennifer Dylan?
- Dr. Perry Cox: You named our daughter J.D...
- [later]
- Dr. Perry Cox: Why would you do such a thing?
- Jordan Sullivan: I was hoping that you would hate the name so much that you wouldn't be able to hide your spite from your daughter and she would love me more than you.
- Dr. Perry Cox: I've got to go.
- Jordan Sullivan: Don't forget: Momma's coming home tomorrow, so the fridge needs to be restocked with rice cakes and vodka.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Jordan, while you were on bed rest for the last two months, I served as mother, father, butler, breadwinner and, thanks to our son's penchant for eating nickels and your irrational fear that they're never going to pass through his system... poo-poo sifter. I was hoping that, upon your return, you would start to assume some domestic responsibilities?
- Jordan Sullivan: Pass!
- Keith: Hey Elliot. Look, I know this weekend is our one-year anniversary, but my college buddy Donny is in Vegas and he wants me to fly out.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Coolio.
- Keith: All right.
- [smiles and walks away; Elliot blow-kisses at him while people from hospital staff gather around and look astonished at her]
- Ted Buckland: Are you for real?
- Doug: That's a trick, right? I mean, when he comes back from Vegas, you're gonna tear him a new one.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: No... With Keith, I've decided I'm going to be the best girlfriend ever. If that means skipping some silly anniversary, that's fine. If it means having some crazy sex and then running off without cuddling to go meet the fellas for a beer, great.
- Dr. Mickhead: I might cry.
- Ted Buckland: Man, if you were just 40 year older...
- Dr. Kelso: [reading his paper as Cox enters the doctors' lounge] Perry, could I ask you a favor?
- Dr. Perry Cox: Actually, Bob, out of respect for Laverne, no. You see, according to the Right Reverend Jimmy T. Gibbons, that's the name I gave the minister in my mind... every day, Bob, every day I am to take 20 minutes for myself. Right about now, I'm going to be entering my imaginary, soundproof glass bubble.
- [opens the imaginary glass bubble and enters it]
- Dr. Perry Cox: That way, I don't have to be bo...
- [closes the imaginary glass bubble continuing to move his lips as its voice was inaudible, then he sits on the couch and starts to read the paper]
- Dr. Kelso: [continuing to read the paper] I was just going to ask you to keep your yapper shut while I read the paper, so everybody wins.
- Lonnie: [entering the lounge] Dr Cox.
- Dr. Kelso: You might want to know. He's in an imaginary glass bubble.
- [Lonnie pretends to knock]
- Dr. Perry Cox: [opens the imaginary glass bubble's door] What?
- Lonnie: I need help with a patient.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Twenty minutes.
- [closes the imaginary glass bubble's door]
- Lonnie: Hey... how long does it takes for an old woman to bleed to death?