How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Monday Night Football (2007)

Josh Radnor: Ted Mosby

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ted Mosby : So let me get this straight. A funeral is the one time you don't suit up?

  Barney : Have I taught you nothing, Ted?

  Ted Mosby : Virtually.

  Barney : Suits are full of joy. They're the sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile.

  Ted Mosby : "Sartorial"?

  Barney : "Of or pertaining to tailors or their trade." Suits are for the living. That's why when it's my time to R.I.P. I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it. Buck naked! Yeah! It's going to be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies!

  [high-pitched] 

  Barney : What uuuuup!

• Ted Mosby : Almighty TiVo, we thank you for all the gifts you have given us. The power to freeze live TV to go take a leak is nothing short of godlike. Let's not forget fast forwarding through commercials. It seems greedy to ask anything more from you, oh Magic Box. But if you malfunction and miss the Superbowl, we will destroy you in the alley with baseball bats. Amen.

• Barney Stinson : High five!

  Ted Mosby : Dude, we're at a wake.

  Barney Stinson : Sorry. Solemn, low five.

• Ted Mosby : Marshall, you're on beer detail. Lily, you're making the bean dip. Robin, you're on chips and pretzels. Barney, I'm giving you nothing to do so that you can work on your gambling problem.

  Barney Stinson : Problem? Hey, Superman should really do something about his flying problem. Please! It's not a problem if you're awesome at it.

• Barney Stinson : [handcuffs himself to Ted's radiator]  Ted, swallow this key.

  Ted Mosby : No.

  Barney Stinson : You eat a lot of salads, It'll be out by gametime.

  Ted Mosby : Again, no.

• Wendy : Oh, God, you didn't hear? Mark died.

  Lily Aldrin : Oh, my God.

  Marshall Eriksen : Oh, my gosh.

  Wendy : The funeral's tomorrow at 6:00, and I know it would have meant a lot to Mark if you came. You guys were his favorite customers.

  Lily Aldrin , Ted Mosby , Marshall Eriksen , Barney Stinson , Robin Scherbatsky : Stay strong. We're so sorry.

  [the waitress leaves] 

  Ted Mosby : Who was Mark?

  Marshall Eriksen : No idea.

  Barney Stinson : Not a clue.

• Barney Stinson : How the hell are you planning on getting in and out of a sports bar without seeing the score? There's TVs everywhere.

  Ted Mosby : Ah, don't worry. I got it all planned out. First of all: I placed duct tape on a pair of sunglasses so I can only see out of two tiny holes. Next, I constructed blinders out of an old cereal box. Top it all off: high-tech noise-reducing headphones I bought when Marshall and Lily first got back together and were doing it a lot. I call it the Sensory Deprivator 5000.

• Ted Mosby : [Watching the Superbowl in 2003]  Second down, everyone drink.

  Barney Stinson : Ted, it's not a drinking game if you drink anytime anything happens.

• Barney Stinson : [Barney walks into the apartment and handcuffs himself to the radiator]  Hey, take this key and swallow it.

  Ted Mosby : What? No.

  Barney Stinson : Come on, Ted, you eat salads. It'll be out by game time.

  Ted Mosby : Lots more, no.

  Barney Stinson : I'm not messing around, Theodore. I've got a lot of money riding on this game. If I don't handcuff myself to this radiator, I'll check the score. Please take the key.

  Ted Mosby : Fine.

  [Ted grabs the key and walks away] 

  Ted Mosby : But only because you didn't think through a bathroom plan, and I think that's funny.