- Wilhelmina Slater: Excuse me, is this you?
- [Holds up photograph and woman nods]
- Wilhelmina Slater: You're fired!
- [after hearing Betty's ringtone of "La Cucaracha" on an incoming call]
- Claire Meade: I didn't pass out in a Mexican whorehouse again, did I?
- Betty Suarez: When we were at the spa your mom kept saying that she wanted to go back to happier times, like when you were younger. Is there anywhere special you used to go?
- Daniel Meade: Well she used to like taking us to clothing museums.
- Alexis Meade: Those were stores dumbass. She just called them museums to get us out of school.
- Evelyn: Ok so you see that stripper, she used to be a nun and she's pregnant with the butcher's baby, but she doesn't know that the butcher is her second cousin.
- Wilhelmina Slater: A story as old as time.