The Office (TV Series)

The Convict (2006)

Steve Carell: Michael Scott

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dwight Schrute : Prison Mike, what's the very, very worst thing about prison?

  Angela Martin : [softly to Dwight]  Don't encourage him, Dwight.

  Michael Scott : [as Prison Mike]  The worst thing about prison was the... was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary and then they'd come down and they'd suck the soul out of your body and it hurt!

  Karen Filippelli : Dementors, like in "Harry Potter"?

  Michael Scott : No, not "Harry Potter." There are no movies in prison.

• Michael Scott : Well, there's somebody I'd like you to meet, somebody else who has been to prison.

  [puts on bandana] 

  Michael Scott : I'm Prison Mike. Do you know why they call me Prison Mike?

  Angela Martin : Do you really expect us to believe you're somebody else?

  Michael Scott : Do you really expect me to not push you up against the wall, biatch?

• Michael Scott : Close your eyes. Picture a convict. What's he wearing? Nothing special - baseball cap on backward, baggy pants. He says something ordinary like, "Yo, that's shizzle". Okay, now slowly open your eyes again. Who are you picturing? A black man? Wrong. That was a white woman. Surprised? Well, shame on you.

• Kevin : [trying to figure out who in the office was a convict]  Martin?

  Michael Scott : Oh, you are such a racist.

  Kevin : Wait, why am I a racist?

  Michael Scott : Because you think he's black!

• Michael Scott : [as Prison Mike]  In prison you are somebody's bitch. Oh, and you.

  [points to Ryan] 

  Michael Scott : You, my friend, would be da belle of da ball. Don't drop the soap! Don't drop the soap!

• Jim Halpert : What did you do, Prison Mike?

  Michael Scott : [pretending he went to prison]  I stole and I robbed and I kidnapped the President's son and held him for ransom.

  Jim Halpert : That is quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike.

  Michael Scott : And I never got caught, neither.

  Jim Halpert : Well, you were in prison, but... Mm-hmm.

  Pam Beesley : Prison Mike, what was the food like in prison?

  Michael Scott : Gruel sandwiches. Gruel omelettes. Nothing but gruel. Plus, you can eat your own hair.