Andy Barker, P.I. (TV Series)

Dial M for Laptop (2007)

Tony Hale: Simon

Quotes 

• Andy Barker : Well, if they're coming tonight, let's be ready for 'em.

  Wally : I'll be there for you, Andy. The enemy of my friend is my enemy, my friend.

  Simon : Oh-hohoho a reverse stakeout! We'll probably be here all night.

  [suddenly serious] 

  Simon : I don't want any cracks about my retainer.

• Lew Staziak : What in hell is that?

  Simon : It's a stakeout, I got coffee.

  Lew Staziak : Coffee?

  [takes a cup] 

  Lew Staziak : I'm growing a set of jugs just looking at this thing.

• Andy Barker : Well why do we have to lie about who we are?

  Simon : We need a backstory. Nobody's gonna tell an accountant and a video store manager where she is.

  Loretta's Roomate : [opens door]  Yeah?

  Andy Barker : Hi, eh, we're looking for Loretta Crispin. We were hoping that -

  Loretta's Roomate : She went to a bar downtown, the Brunswick House.

  Andy Barker : Oh. Well that's all we want, thanks very much.

  Simon : Hi. We're movie producers. We think she would be perfect on our upcoming film.

  Loretta's Roomate : It's on Figaro or Western Hugh.

  Andy Barker : Yeah, I know that intersection, thank you.

  Simon : Well, it's an underwater action drama about a mutated lion that lives in the ocean and attacks shipping lanes. It's called Sea-Cat!

  Loretta's Roomate : She's wearing a grey silk top, grey skirt, black pearl necklace and matching earings.

  Andy Barker : Sounds like she'll be easy to find, thank you very much.

  Simon : [laughs]  I'll bet General Jackson could jog your memory...

• Simon : [quoting from the movie 'Death Blimp']  Somebody call the park ranger, they're gonna slam together.

  [imitates a girly scream]