Barely Legal Lesbian Vampires: The Curse of Ed Wood! (2003 Video) User Reviews

Bravo Mr Creepo, Bravo!

[kaliherhc · 1/10 · 1 June 2008]

I have to preface this by saying that I LOVE watching bad movies that are entertaining. This movie delivers 100%. It is hands down the worst movie I have ever seen. It is full of crappy stock footage of random stuff in a city (people walking, traffic, the skyline, etc.) that doesn't tie into anything. Then there are the overly long 'sex scenes.' These involve lots of petting and frequent rubbing of socks on each other's bodies. These are in no way erotic and are the closest thing to horror you will find in this movie. This is especially true for the shower scene where two of the so called 'barely legal' girls who couldn't be a day over 40 are spraying each other with blood but there is also a crew member squirting blood in the from the outside while one of the girls keeps smiling at him. No one had to memorize any lines for this movie, if they aren't clearly reading cards then they have a magazine in front of them they keep glancing at while they struggle through awkward dialogue. Then there's Mr Creepo. He throws Ed Wood's name around like he can somehow compare, but he is far far from anything of that quality. He walks around a cemetery babbling about random things that went wrong in the movie which really helps the complete lack of flow the movie already had going on. We couldn't stop laughing during this movie (except during the sex scenes where we were grossed out and occasionally horrified)

I give this movie a 1/10 for going so far above and beyond all my expectations for a horrible movie.

waste of time

[rauno-miettinen · 1/10 · 22 October 2009]

Awful, waste of time. There is no camp or trash value in this one. Seen better amateur movies done by 10 to 12 years old kids in movie clubs.

How on earth someone can spoil movie about vampires and lesbians?

It's not a movie to put together a few vampire / sadomasochism enthusiast in a same room and just shoot it.

Could not find anything good about the film. There was no plot, no real actors, no real special effects, no humor. A few overweight Goths touching each other cannot be called a sex scene. Nothing at all.

Well, cemetery was nice but one should shot a vampire movie during dark.

Purpose was probably good: make a trash movie in a spirit of Ed Wood. Problem is that one cannot make a bad movie intentionally. It takes talent and an effort to make a "real" movie. Ed Wood might have lacked money but he sure had effort. These guys lacked everything. Ed Wood was a genius compared to these guys.

Like, oh my God, this movie is sooo ...

[KennethEagleSpirit · 1/10 · 31 December 2006]

Bad. Personal opinion? The folks who made it? They knew that when they made it. To star in this movie, again my opinion, you needed to meet three criteria ... #1: You had to own your own Goth style clothing and jewelry. Makes wardrobe both easier and cheaper that way. #2: You had to be able to remember and repeat your lines with out cue cards. Note that I didn't say you had to do it well. Saves on time and paper work. #3: You had to be willing to get naked. Gives an R rating and thus bolsters sales. Want to watch a better movie? Easy. Get a camera and some of your buddies together and do it yourself. Trust me, you won't do any worse. As vampire movies go, well, this one sucks. And a hint here for people like me who like to look for little oddities in movies ... Consider the link between vampires and crosses. Now, take a look at the symbols and names on the headstones in the cemetery portions of this thing were filmed in. Ed Wood couldn't have planned that kind of an accident any better himself.

Watch only if you have to...

[stamatakiskostas · 4/10 · 16 November 2006]

Not every movie with lesbian chicks and vampires, touching our favorite trash/cult genre is nice. Unfortunately this movie lucks of originality and the performances do not come up with the trash standards. Seem the creator's intention to make it cult it failed. Trash movies are trash movies because it happens. You cant create in purpose this kind of films.I don't know if Mr Creepo is a legend (first time i heard his name) BUT if he is i wonder the reason...

Awful. Even the lesbian scenes are pathetic so any fans of erotic x-ploitation films will not be satisfied, as there a thousands of movies better than Barely Legal Lesbian Vampires.

This movie restores my faith in American culture

[azv1987 · 5/10 · 12 January 2008]

after watching this movie i was delighted to find something that independent films have been missing for ages... the if I'm drunk enough then it rocks factor. the terrible lines, bad script, the horrible acting, and camera work feels like a third rate goosebumps episode from the early 90s, mixed with a first directors take on the 70s porn must have cinematic quality aspect. this is what you watch to remind you what good taste can be and why its fun to have bad. The music, the effects, the fact that at times you can see the camera mans reflection in windows... its all part of the camp that is great for a gathering of friends. id recommend this to to two groups of people. those with great sense of humor and those with the worst taste ever. A+++

Barely watchable

[milkhole213 · 2/10 · 9 November 2021]

Barely Legal Lesbian Vampires is one of the final films before I finish the Tomb of Terrors box set. Unfortunately I didn't save one of the best for almost last. It lives up to the vampire part and there's plenty of lesbianing here. The women aren't that great looking so these scenes aren't even erotic. Bill Zebub casts much better looking women. There's a lesbian blood shower scene but they use an IV full of blood to squirt it onto each other instead of a freshly opened artery which renders it quite lame. There's about 30 minutes of lesbian sex and what feels like the same amount of establishing shots of New York City, a castle, the sky, cemeteries and the woods. There's also lots of people walking and shots of paper flyers. There's some stuff about Ed Wood here but I never saw his sleazy nude stuff. Like many modern day ultra low budget horror pictures this is sub-Ed Wood. There's some bloody deaths at the end, horribly filmed and with fake CG fire in front of most scenes. Nudity is plentiful but the lack of any stunning babes and the way it's filmed won't do anything for anyone but the most desperate of horndogs. This isn't the nadir of the Tomb of Terrors box set but there are much better films based on the Carmilla story.