House M.D. (TV Series)

Words and Deeds (2007)

Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House

Quotes 

• Dr. Gregory House : [reading from fortune cookie]  "You are a ray of sunshine... on a cloudy day."

• Michael Tritter : [to House]  Cuddy wouldn't get off the phone until I promised I'd come and see for myself. I gotta admit. This move I did not expect.

  Dr. Gregory House : Yeah, well, don't tell anyone, but the photos of smiling people in the brochures. It's just marketing.

  Michael Tritter : Well, you're obviously making an effort. So I suppose the next step is for me to... talk to the DA.

  Dr. Gregory House : Which you have no intention of doing.

  Michael Tritter : No.

  Dr. Gregory House : So words mean nothing, actions mean nothing, what the hell is left?

  Michael Tritter : [shrugs]  Hmph.

  Dr. Gregory House : You son of a bitch! What about your words, your actions? "Gotta get House cleaned up, gotta get him to show some humility," but when it comes to actually doing something, you proved that all you care about is bitch-slapping a guy who refused to kiss your ass.

  Michael Tritter : You ever trust an addict? You ever give one the benefit of the doubt? How many times did it work out for yo...

  Dr. Gregory House : Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. So you were screwed over by your wife, your mother, your partner, but you keep sending them Christmas cards while you take it out on everyone else.

  Michael Tritter : No more Christmas cards. No, I learned people like you, even your actions lie.

• Dr. Lisa Cuddy : [to House]  You need to talk to Tritter.

  Dr. Gregory House : Not according to my lawyer.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Your lawyer isn't going to be able to get the DA to drop the case. Tritter can.

  Dr. Gregory House : Yeah, you know what else Tritter can do?

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : You are not impressing anyone. You may call yourself principled, but what you really are is a stubborn adolescent idiot! This isn't his fault.

  Dr. Gregory House : I'm not the one who...

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : You used the rectal thermometer on him. You insulted him instead of apologizing. You flaunted your drug use in his face and you refused to accept a deal...

  Dr. Gregory House : I accepted the deal!

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Not until after you stole a dead guy's pills.

  Dr. Gregory House : Allegedly.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Tritter has been opening doors for you every step of the way and you keep slamming them shut. There are no more openings to give, House. If you wanna stay out of prison, you gotta make one for yourself.

• Dr. Gregory House : Male menopause. High estrogen, low testosterone. Explains the temperature swings, disorientation. Endocrinologically similar to female menopause but without the vaginas and mah-jong tiles.

• Dr. Gregory House : [to Tritter]  I'm sorry. You could throw a dart at all the adjectives between arrogant and unhinged and I'm sure you'd hit one that describes me. There's a reason I operate that way... I live in pain. Pain that on good days is merely intolerable and on bad ones will suck the life-force right out of you. Doesn't mean that I've handled this right, actually, means I was wrong.

  Michael Tritter : Thank you. I know that couldn't have been easy for you to say. Even if you don't mean a word of it.

  [Tritter starts to walk away, but House follows him] 

  Dr. Gregory House : I'm sorry! You can hook me up to a damn polygraph.

  Michael Tritter : And I'm sure you'd pass. The thing is I've never been interested in what you have to say. All I care about is what you do. I'll see you at the hearing.

• Dr. Gregory House : I hope this is me detoxing otherwise, I soiled a perfectly good pair of underwear last night for nothing.

• Dr. James Wilson : You're a coward, House. You find fault in everybody because you're afraid to look at yourself.

  Dr. Gregory House : Thanks. I was running short on platitudes. You can leave now.

• Dr. Gregory House : [after the judge admonishes House for using his cell phone in court]  Does your voice always get that high and annoying when you're angry?

  Judge Helen Davis : Do you want to go to jail?

  Dr. Gregory House : No, thank you.