- J. Jonah Jameson: [turns off the TV] Aw, that's sweet. I hate sweet! I need photos! Photos of Spider-Man!
- Editor's Assistant: This is a a poetry journal!
- J. Jonah Jameson: Okay then, *poems* about Spider-Man. And I want them finished before you start. And before you finish, get me some coffee! And the poems should have the following rhyme scheme: A-B-B-A-A-B-B-A-C-D-E-C-D-E. What are you waiting for, Chinese New Year?
- Bart Simpson: Hey, writers! The Da Vinci Code just sold another hundred copies!
- [writers moan; Bart laughs]
- Lisa Simpson: That's Tom Wolfe. He uses more exclamation points than any American author.
- Tom Wolfe: It's true!
- Tom Wolfe: Moe, which writer has influenced you? Jack Kerouac? Chuck Bukowski? Me, Tom Wolfe?
- Moe Szyslak: Well, the last book I read was Superhound: the Guide to Dograce Betting. Any of you wetnaps wrote that?
- Moe Szyslak: Here I am all depressed, when I'm surrounded by the happiest people in the world, writers.
- Gore Vidal: I don't need your sycophantic laughter. I have some on tape.
- [Plays tape]
- Gore Vidal: Ah, you still love me, Temple University class of 1987.
- Lisa Simpson: Moe, you are a heartless jerk!
- Moe Szyslak: Whoa, where did that come from? Oh, right. My actions.
- Michael Chabon: You can't make this stuff up.
- Jonathan Franzen: Maybe you can't.
- Michael Chabon: That's it, Franzen! I think your nose needs some corrections!
- [They fight]
- Lenny Leonard: Maybe you can interview me. I collect Absolute ads.
- Lisa Simpson: Do you have any others?
- Lenny Leonard: [shocked] There are others?
- Editor's Assistant: [about Moe's poem] Chief, we just got a submission from a brilliant poet no one's ever heard of.
- J. Jonah Jameson: [reading it] Huh, huh. Hmmm! Genius! Pay him nothing and run it on the cover.
- J. Jonah Jameson: [picking up the phone] Stop the presses! Send my wife some flowers and bring me an advil! What do you mean you don't work for me? You're hired! Now that you're hired, you're fired! Now that you don't work here, we can be friends! Now that we're friends, how come you never call? Some friend you are!
- J. Jonah Jameson: [hangs up phone] God I love this business.