- Ted Mosby: That wasn't a real secret!
- Robin Scherbatsky: Yeah, but it could've been!
- Ted Mosby: You are driving me crazy! No wonder your fake husband moved to Hong Kong!
- Robin Scherbatsky: [deadly serious] He moved there for business!
- Marshall: [Looking at Computer] This is the 90s, why does it look like 1986?
- Robin Scherbatsky: The 80s didn't come to Canada til like '93.
- Robin Scherbatsky: My friend from Canada had to do her vows twice, once in French.
- Barney: They speak French there too? God, that country's messed up.
- Barney: [Watching the Robin Sparkles "Let's Go to the Mall" video] Did you have to laugh like that every time?
- Robin Scherbatsky: [Flatly] Yes.
- [Barney is complaining about having to watch all the Canadian porn he can find in order to prove Robin has a past in pornography, therefore winning the slap bet]
- Lily: Oh, like you need an excuse to watch porn.
- Barney: *Canadian* porn! Trust me when I tell you that their universal health care system doesn't cover breast implants. If I have to sit through one more flat-chested Nova Scotian riding a Mountie on the back of a Zamboni, I'll go *oot* of my mind.
- Ted Mosby: So what's the deal with you and malls?
- Robin Scherbatsky: I thought you said if I don't want to talk about it I don't have to...
- Ted Mosby: Yeah with *those* people. C'mon I'm your boyfriend! What is it? Did you get arrested in a mall?
- Robin Scherbatsky: No.
- Ted Mosby: Dumped in a mall?
- Robin Scherbatsky: Ted...
- Ted Mosby: Found out you were Canadian at a mall?
- Robin Scherbatsky: Let it go.
- Ted Mosby: Trapped under a fake boulder at the mall?
- Robin Scherbatsky: Let it go.
- Ted Mosby: Mauled at the mall?
- Ted Mosby: Wha... I don't get it! Why won't Robin tell me why she hates malls?
- Barney: Ted, you should be happy Robin has a secret. The more you learn about a person, the better chance you have of hitting the fatal "Ohhh..." moment.
- Marshall: The "Ohhh..." moment?
- Barney: Yeah. That moment when you find out that one detail about a person that is going to be a deal-breaker.
- [Flashback to Barney with different girls]
- Girl #1: It's a promise ring. I made a pact with God to stay a virgin till I'm married.
- Barney: Ohhhh...
- Girl #2: I don't have an eating disorder, it's just when I put food in my mouth, I chew it and then I spit it out!
- Barney: Ohhhh...
- Girl #3: I just turned 30.
- Barney: Ohhhhhh...
- Barney: [Back to present] So trust me, you want to postpone knowing anything about each other for as long as possible
- Ted Mosby: Hmm... I disagree. If there's some potential "Ohhh..." moment, I wanna know about it right away. I mean, what's the alternative?
- [Flash to Robin and Ted at the altar]
- Reverend Rob: I now pronounce you man and wife.
- Ted Mosby: I love you.
- Robin Scherbatsky: I used to be a dude.
- Ted Mosby: Ohhhhhh...
- Lily: [after Ted tells the gang that Robin was married in Canada] Yeah, well, you still shouldn't have told us. I mean, what kind of boyfriend are you?
- Ted Mosby: See, that's just it. I'm not the boyfriend, I'm the mistress. No, not the mistress. The mastress. Master. What do you call it?
- Barney: I'm pretty sure we're gonna call is mistress.
- Barney: I can think of tons of things there's no way Marshall told you
- Lily: Try me.
- Barney: Do you know about the time the Marshall was in Trenton?
- Lily: Doggie ate his pants. Yep.
- Barney: Bill's bachelor party in Memphis.
- Lily: Oh, when they had to pump out all the nickels from his stomach?
- Barney: Wow. Okay. Seattle.
- Lily: Trick question, Marshall's never been to the Pacific Northwest because he's afraid of Sasquatch.
- Barney: Damn.
- Marshall: I'm not afraid of Sasquatch. I just think we should all be on alert.
- Ted Mosby: You're afraid of the seven dwarfs?
- Robin Scherbatsky: Just Doc. He's creepy. I mean, he's got a medical degree. Why is he hanging around a bunch of coal miners?