Two and a Half Men (TV Series)
A Live Woman of Proven Fertility (2006)
Angus T. Jones: Jake Harper
Quotes
-
Judith Harper : [to Jake] Hey, honey. Would you, uh, wait in the car, please?
Jake Harper : Who's in trouble? Me or Dad?
Judith Harper : No one's in trouble.
Jake Harper : [to Alan] It's you.
-
Alan Harper : [after learning Jake has run away from his mother's] Is this about the upcoming nuptials?
Jake Harper : It has nothing to do with puberty, Dad. It's about Mom getting married.
-
Alan Harper : I thought you liked Dr Melnick.
Jake Harper : That was when they were just dating. Now, he thinks he can tell me what to do. He's not my father!
Alan Harper : You don't do what *I* tell you to do!
Jake Harper : Yeah, but Mom doesn't care about that!
-
Charlie Harper : So, what's your plan? Where are you headed?
Jake Harper : I'm gonna stay here.
Charlie Harper : Oh, you can't stay here!
Jake Harper : Why not?
Charlie Harper : Because you're running *away*. "Away", according to the dictionary, means "not here". It's usually preceded by the words, "Far, far". Or in your case, "Go".
-
Jake Harper : Oh, come on. Why can't I live with you guys?
Charlie Harper : Oh, Jake. Do you have any idea how much I have to clean up my act when you're here on weekends?
Jake Harper : What are you talking about? I see you drink, gamble, you have strange girls sleep over.
Charlie Harper : Uh-huh. Drop in unannounced on a Wednesday and you'll be scarred for life.
-
Charlie Harper : Don't be mean to your mother!
Jake Harper : You're mean to your mother!
Charlie Harper : My mother can take it!
-
Jake Harper : [about Judith] She can be happy all she wants. I just don't need some jerk pretending he's my dad.
Alan Harper : Oh, why not?
Jake Harper : 'Cause I already have a dad!
Charlie Harper : ...and he's already a jerk!