- Judge: I've read the file. You've got 15 minutes.
- Dr. Gregory House: It's people like this who killed Copernicus.
- Judge: Galileo.
- Dr. Gregory House: Either way.
- Judge: And they just locked Galileo up.
- Dr. Gregory House: They killed his spirit and nobody likes a showoff.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: Gonna break out the rubber hoses, the bright lights? I'm not gonna testify just because I have to borrow lunch money.
- Michael Tritter: I know. Women don't give up on guys that they're in love with.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm not in love with House.
- Michael Tritter: A guy as unhinged and unethical does what he wants with no concern for others, but you stand by him.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: That can't just be loyality and respect?
- Michael Tritter: No.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm a girl, so I must be in love with him.
- Michael Tritter: Not because you're a girl. Because 10 years ago, you got an "A" in calculus until you ratted yourself out, showed your professor a mistake he missed, because you married a man...
- Dr. Allison Cameron: [angry tone] Don't go there!
- Michael Tritter: You used to be someone who did the right thing. House has changed you. Do you think it's all been for the better?
- [Cameron walks out of the room]
- Dr. Gregory House: Luckily, Alice Hartman has a mom who is willing to see reason.
- Judge: You were in here yesterday telling me her father's guardianship was best for her.
- Dr. Gregory House: I honestly figured I'd get a different judge today.
- Judge: Dr. Cuddy, what do you think of Dr. House? Is he as big a jerk as I think he is?
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Bigger.
- Judge: [to Alice's bickering parents] Hey, zip it! I've heard enough.
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Cuddy] This lawyering thing is easy.
- Judge: [to House] You shut up, too.
- Dr. Gregory House: [about the babysitter Alice's mom hired] She a 15-year-old pharmacist? Or is it just some kid down the street who need $20 bucks for lip gloss and a couple of Tiger Beats?
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [Cuddy is in her office, crying. Wilson comes in] I'm busy.
- Dr. Wilson: You okay?
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Yeah, sure.
- Dr. Wilson: Um, what I mean by "Are you okay?" is "What the hell did House do?"
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Nothing.
- Dr. Wilson: What did he say?
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I've seen House been rude a thousand times, usually to achieve something. I have never seen him be mean just because he can.
- Dr. Wilson: Seriously? What did he say?
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [sighs] Nothing. Doesn't matter.
- Dr. Wilson: Well, I've seen House be rude to you a thousand times, but I've never seen it get it to you.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: People think that House has no inner censor. The fact is he holds himself back because when he wants to hurt, he knows just where to poke a sharp stick.
- [sniffs]
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I have been trying to get pregnant and House knew. He told me I was a failure as a mother.
- Dr. Wilson: And you're upset because you think he's right?
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I have had three separate implantations: the first two never took, the last one I... lost.
- Dr. Wilson: I'm sorry. You didn't fail. Those were physical events.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: A little girl is scared and in pain. I was awkward, terrified of doing the wrong thing.
- Dr. Wilson: That's normal, that's...
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I didn't hug her. I didn't even... reach out and hold her hand. I told her it was gonna be okay.
- Dr. Wilson: She needed reassurance.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I told her her folks might get back together.
- [laughs wrily]
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: When I see people with their kids, it's so natural. It's like they have an instruction book imprinted on their genes.
- [voice breaking]
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Maybe I just didn't get a copy. Maybe my wanting to be a mother is like a tone-deaf person wanting to sing opera or a paraplegic who wants to...
- Dr. Wilson: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- [sighs]
- Dr. Wilson: Well, I see what you mean about House poking the right spot.
- Dr. Gregory House: [yelling at his staff] She's six! She's cute, she can't have flesh-eating bacteria! It's just wrong! Let's cure her with sunshine and puppies! Cute kids die of terrible illnesses! Innocent doctors go to jail, and it's because cowards like you won't stand up and do what's required! You can sit around and moan about who's the bigger weakling. I'm gonna go do my job.
- Dr. Wilson: Beckett was going to call his play "Waiting for House's Approval" but decided it was too grim.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [about the patient, Alice] She's six. Six-year-olds don't get gallstones.
- Dr. Gregory House: So, she didn't have pancreatitis?
- Dr. Allison Cameron: Your theory is an invisible gallstone?
- Dr. Robert Chase: His theory correctly predicted the pancreatitis.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [to Chase] You might wanna wait until he actually tell us his theory before you start kissing his theory's ass.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: We are gonna use this machine to clean your blood. It goes out of you and through the filter like the filter in a fish tank. So it's kinda cool actually.
- Dr. Robert Chase: I wasn't kissing his ass.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: It just looked that way from our angle. You on your knees, House bending over.
- Dr. Robert Chase: He predicted the pancreatitis.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: It's his dad's fault.
- Dr. Robert Chase: My dad was an ass.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: But you did everything he wanted you to and in return, you got everything you wanted.
- Dr. Robert Chase: Yeah, it's that simple.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: His strategy worked. Dad got him a cushy job, paid for his cushy life.
- Dr. Robert Chase: Cut me out of his cushy will.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: I told you, just his nature. Poor guy's hardwired to kiss ass.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [to Tritter] My head of Oncology had to shut down. My entire staff are afraid to make a move without covering their ass.
- Michael Tritter: I think you're angry at the wrong person.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You think Dr. Wilson deserved to have his assets seized? His entire practice ruined?
- Michael Tritter: No.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: So, you just don't care?
- Michael Tritter: This is how I get what I want. I put pressure... on people, and if it doesn't work on Wilson, it'll work on you.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You punish the innocent.
- Michael Tritter: None of you are innocent. Not one of you, not one of you has told me the truth about Dr. House.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: The pills allow him to cope with the pain.
- Michael Tritter: No, the pills distort reality. He's an addict.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: He's not out robbing a liquor store or...
- Michael Tritter: Look, he's treating people. He needs to find a different way to cope before he kills somebody, if he hasn't done that already.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: If you're right, he has a medical problem. It should be dealt with by doctors, not by the...!
- Michael Tritter: Well, it's not being dealt with by doctors. Doctors are covering it up. The whole point of the criminal justice system is to make things right when everything else fails. With all due respect, you have failed.
- Dr. Robert Chase: [when Tritter released Chase, Cameron, and Foreman's accounts] Maybe he wants us to think that one of us talked.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: It worked.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: You were with him.
- Dr. Robert Chase: We were all with him.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: We weren't laughing with him.
- Dr. Gregory House: Where's my prescription?
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: No more free-flowing prescriptions. Princeton PD has already forced Wilson to shut down.
- Dr. Gregory House: A cop says, "Boo," Wilson shuts down.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Every doctor in this place is afraid to make a move without covering his ass.
- Dr. Gregory House: You think maybe you're shouting at the wrong person? Tritter's obviously out to get me. He doesn't care...
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You forged prescriptions!
- Dr. Gregory House: Allegedly.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Your pain has become my pain. From now on, you get reasonable doses at reasonable times.
- Dr. Gregory House: But I hurt in an unreasonable way.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Then dip into your secret stash.
- Dr. Gregory House: Tritter took it.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Then move on to your secret-secret stash.
- Dr. Gregory House: I ran out.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Then move on to your secret-secret-secret stash!
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Got any money for lunch?
- Dr. Robert Chase: If you like parsley and croutons. Tritter finally froze my accounts.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Really?
- Dr. Robert Chase: You surprised? Why wouldn't he?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: I figured if he was singling you out, you must have done something different.
- Dr. Robert Chase: What? Like talking?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Yeah, and now that he's frozen your accounts, you probably will. You need the cash, right?
- Dr. Robert Chase: He doesn't freeze my accounts, I'm guilty. He does freeze my accounts, I'm guilty.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: [when Alice is in the operating room] Are you saying she never had Reye's? We just put that girl through excruciating pain.
- Dr. Robert Chase: Pain wasn't House's fault. Even if the clot was a reaction to what we gave her, we still have to...
- Dr. Gregory House: [angry tone] I don't need you to cover my ass! What I need is my Vicodin! Two pills every six hours like I'm on an allowance. She's given the cop leverage over medical decisions. What the hell, why don't we get a plumber in here, ask his opinion?
- Dr. Gregory House: [about Alice] What's good about this rash?
- [plays with his pointer; Chase, Cameron, and Foreman don't answer]
- Dr. Gregory House: Good guesses, but no! It's on part of her body that we haven't touched. She's got a fever of 103, she's in and out of conciousness, but it's not a reaction to anything we did. Our mojo is off the table, which means...?
- [waits for an answer, but his staff doesn't respond]
- Dr. Gregory House: Oh, so close! Means thanks to Cuddy's candy-ass approach, broad-spectrum antibiotics are no longer an option. This thing has grown horns and fangs. We gotta figure out what species it is, go in with a spear to the heart.
- [looks at his staff, but they still don't say anything]
- Dr. Gregory House: Okay, you guys are sulking. I don't really care why, but apparently I can't do my job without finding out.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: Tritter released our bank accounts.
- Dr. Gregory House: Horrible, horrible news. Wow! I'm glad we didn't let that fester.
- Dr. Robert Chase: Can we talk?
- Dr. Gregory House: Nope.
- Dr. Robert Chase: I really think you need...
- Dr. Gregory House: Either you screwed me and you want absolution or you didn't and you want applause. Either way, not interested.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [after House yells at them] He's yelled at us before.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: 'Cause he thought our theories were dumb, not because our theories were sending him to jail.
- [Chase is playing with House's laser pointer]
- Dr. Eric Foreman: He's going through withdrawal, could be causing mild paranoia. It'll pass, we just have to suffer through it.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: We never ruled out allergy.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: We gave her drugs, she had no negative reaction.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: We cut open her belly, she got a rash on her belly. We did a scratch test on her back, she got a rash on her back. I know House ruled out mojo, but it can't be a coincidence.
- [Chase points the laser pointer at Foreman]
- Dr. Robert Chase: Little late to be playing differental games, isn't it?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [shields his eyes] Get that thing away from me! I don't wanna get burned.
- Dr. Robert Chase: Laser pointers don't burn you, genius.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Skin, no. Retina, yes.
- Dr. Robert Chase: You don't trust my aim? Maybe you should cover any sensitive...
- [thinks for a minute, then has an epiphany. He puts down the laser pointer]
- Dr. Robert Chase: He was wrong about the puppies!
- [jumps from his seat and races out of the room]
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Cameron and Foreman] Bullies bully. They don't get a reaction, they lose interest.
- [in a menacing tone]
- Dr. Gregory House: Now go do what I ask before I stick your heads in toilets.
- Dr. Gregory House: [yells] I need more pills!
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: No! You are on a reasonable...
- Dr. Gregory House: What the hell does "reasonable" mean?
- [Alice's heart rate and blood pressure go up and her monitor beeps]
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Keep it quiet. Her BP reacts to stress and yelling is not go...
- Dr. Gregory House: You think that I'm not in pain, then don't give me anything. Keep me away from the aspirin. If I'm in a buttload of pain, I need a buttload of pills.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Fine, you need more pills! You're not getting them. You can have the aspirin you want.
- [House walks out of the room]
- Dr. Eric Foreman: I say we draw straws. Loser drives out to Trenton, scores him an 8-ball.
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Alice's parents] Sorry, didn't know you wanted your kid dead. Although for a couple of G's, I can still make it happen.
- Dr. Gregory House: [House is playing his PSP in the doctor's lounge when Wilson comes in and starts making a sandwich] What are you doing here?
- Dr. Wilson: I work here.
- Dr. Gregory House: You passively-aggressively gave up your practice.
- Dr. Wilson: I have clinic hours.
- Dr. Gregory House: Now you're passively-aggressively spreading peanut butter. Big sign around your neck saying, "Wilson doesn't have enough cash for the cafeteria."
- Dr. Wilson: You know, before Lenny Bruce died of the drug overdose...
- Dr. Gregory House: Oyyeesh! You're gonna confront me with everyone who's ever used narcotics. Damn, I have to get something to read.
- Dr. Wilson: He was arrested on obscenity charges, went through a series of arrests because he just couldn't stop challenging the police. He became obssessed with his own legal problems and his act turned into long humorless rants about facist cops and the violation of his rights.
- Dr. Gregory House: I get it, I get it. I need to change my nightclub act. Need more props.
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Alice's parents] Which one of you to gave her an aspirin?
- Edie: What?
- Dr. Gregory House: Her symptoms fit Reye's Syndrome, which doesn't make any sense unless you took aspirin.
- Edie: Rob?
- Rob: No way, she's a kid. I've read the 800 warning labels.
- Edie: I'm not even angry. I just want her to be okay.
- Dr. Gregory House: She's lying, she's angry, 'cause you kidnapped her kid. She'll be angrier if the kid dies.
- Dr. Robert Chase: Yeah, maybe Chase screwed up.
- [House looks at him]
- Dr. Robert Chase: You always end there, just getting a jump on it.
- Dr. Gregory House: This is my office. I'm talking. There are people here who work for me, but not listening. Explain this to me.
- Rob: [about Alice] And for all we know, she could get sick again tomorrow.
- Edie: Then I'll take her to our pediatrician. She's six, Rob. She shouldn't have unnecessary surgery.
- Dr. Gregory House: Or a moron for a mom. What can you do?
- Edie: Your honor, I've had no opportunity to consult my attorney.
- Dr. Gregory House: There's no time.
- Edie: All I want is a second opinion before...
- Dr. Gregory House: [in a sing-song tone] No time!
- Judge: Your testimony is that their child will die if I don't grant this motion right now.
- Dr. Gregory House: Am I under oath?
- Judge: Let's say yes.
- Dr. Gregory House: My testimony is that this child might die if you don't grant this motion right now.
- Judge: Literally no time for a second opinion.
- Dr. Gregory House: Won't be as good as the first opinion.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [when Tritter freezes Cameron and Foreman's accounts] Tritter froze my account. They're checking theirs. I'm on hold with a lawyer.
- Dr. Gregory House: [takes Foreman's cell phone, turns it off, and tosses it on the table] Call Wilson's lawyer. He'll tell you exactly how and why you're screwed. This kid has no history of allergies.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [shouting] You gotta talk to Tritter. You gotta make this go away!
- Dr. Robert Chase: [sarcastic tone] Yeah, great plan! The man's obviously open to reason.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: Allergic reaction is 100% times more likely with or without a history. Fever and anemia could've been symptoms of pancreatitis.
- [talks on cell phone]
- Dr. Allison Cameron: Hello? Thank your for your help.
- [hangs up phone]
- Dr. Allison Cameron: They froze my accounts.
- Dr. Robert Chase: Thank you for your help?
- Dr. Allison Cameron: It's not her fault.
- Dr. Gregory House: [picks up the sandwich and hands it to Alice] Eat this.
- Alice: I don't feel like eating.
- Dr. Gregory House: Make you better.
- Edie: A sandwich?
- Dr. Gregory House: A magic sandwich.
- Alice: There's no such thing as...
- Dr. Gregory House: Just take a damn bite, okay, kid?
- Dr. Gregory House: [of an infrared pointer] This baby won me second place in the Clinic's weekly "weirdest thing pulled out of an orifice" contest.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I am this close to putting a new lab in oncology.
- Dr. Gregory House: You do not want to know what came in first.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: House...
- Dr. Gregory House: Rhymes with "fucchini."
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [when House suggests amputating Alice's arm and leg] You're talking about crippling her.