Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress (2006)

Charlie Sheen: Charlie Harper

Quotes 

• Alan Harper : [Evelyn comes in with her lips grotesquely swollen]  What happened to your mouth?

  Evelyn Harper : I just had a little procedure.

  Alan Harper : [astonished]  What kind of procedure?

  Charlie Harper : They sucked some fat out of her ass and shot it into her lips.

  Alan Harper : What did they do? Use the *whole* ass?

• Berta : [to Evelyn]  Good Lord! What'd you do? Fellate a beehive?

  Charlie Harper : Fellate?

  Berta : I read! I can conjugate!

  Berta : [to Evelyn]  Man, the last time I seen a mouth like that, it was trying to eat Jacques Cousteau!