- Barney Stinson: Being a bachelor in New York is like... what's something that everyone likes?
- Marshall Eriksen: Candy?
- Barney Stinson: Yes. It's like being in a candy store, and all you have to do is grab a couple of Whoppers. Is Whoppers the best one?
- Ted Mosby: Mounds?
- Barney Stinson: Nah.
- Marshall Eriksen: Milk Duds?
- Barney Stinson: Nah.
- Ted Mosby: Gobstoppers?
- Barney Stinson: Um...
- Older Ted Mosby: This went on for hours, so I'll skip right to the end.
- Ted Mosby: Double Bubble?
- Barney Stinson: Nice!
- [Barney is chatting with twin sisters at McLaren's, both of which he stole from Marshall]
- Barney Stinson: So then, I was promoted to assistant ménage-er - manager. Why do I keep doing that?
- [Lily storms in and glares at Barney]
- Barney Stinson: Lily?
- Lily Aldrin: You gave me chlamydia, you jerk!
- [Lily throws a drink in Barney's face, then storms out]
- Barney Stinson: So, where was I? Ah yes, assistant ménage-er - I did it again. I can't believe it!
- [Lily storms in again, this time wearing a hat, and changing her voice slightly, yells:]
- Lily's "twin": You gave my twin sister chlamydia! You slime!
- [Lily's "twin" throws a drink in Barney's face, then storms out. The twins Barney was talking to get up and leave]
- Barney Stinson: Wha... wait! I know magic!
- Barney Stinson: Dude, you were awesome last night. You were charming, you were funny. You were totally working that girl.
- Marshall Eriksen: You went home with her!
- Barney Stinson: Yes, I did. But she told me that if it wasn't for me you would've had a shot with her. So in hypothetical terms, you scored last night! All right! Hypothetical high five!
- [Stares at Marshall for a minute]
- Barney Stinson: Nice!
- Ted Mosby, Robin Scherbatsky: I have something to tell you...
- Robin Scherbatsky: No, you first.
- Ted Mosby: I found a 1939 penny in the subway. Think of the history this penny...
- Robin Scherbatsky: Lily is back in New York.
- Ted Mosby: She is? Why did you let me go first?
- Marshall Eriksen: You said being single would be like a candy store.
- Barney Stinson: I lied. Being single is like a post-apocalyptic wasteland where it's every man for himself. After nine years of captivity, that is my greatest lesson to you.
- Robin Scherbatsky: We're getting past Everything's Fine Lily and into 1998 Cinco de Mayo Lily, and I'm not cleaning that up again.
- Older Ted Mosby: About hangovers - everyone has their own special remedy.
- Waiter: Morning guys, what can I get you?
- Lily Aldrin: Shhh!
- [Pats her head]
- Lily Aldrin: Bring me the dirtiest, greasiest tuna melt you got. And a milkshake.
- Waiter: For you, sir?
- Ted Mosby: Gravy.
- Waiter: You want that gravy on something?
- Ted Mosby: Surprise me.
- [after Lily returns from San Francisco]
- Ted: Five bucks says she still wants Marshall.
- Robin Scherbatsky: You're on.
- Ted: Five *American* bucks.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Dammit!
- Barney Stinson: [after Marshall has Lily claim Barney gave her and her "twin sister" chlamydia, scaring off his prospects] Well played, Eriksen. Well played.
- Marshall Eriksen: Lily, what are you doing here?
- Lily Aldrin: Oh, oh, I was just walking by. I wasn't... Oh, you mean New York? My program ended. It was just great. Just lots of fun... It was awful. It was the worst mistake I ever made. I'm so sorry, Marshall, and... Hello.
- Marshall Eriksen: Lily, this was the worst summer of my life.
- Lily Aldrin: I know. It was the worst summer of MY life.
- Marshall Eriksen: It was the hardest thing that I've ever had to go through.
- Lily Aldrin: Can we please get back together?
- Marshall Eriksen: [somberly] All that crap you said to me about, "We need to figure out who we are outside of us, and we need to learn to do things on our own". It broke my heart. Three months ago, you broke my heart.
- Lily Aldrin: [Hurting but trying to stay hopeful] Can we please get back together?
- Marshall Eriksen: Lily, you were right. All that crap was right. So, no. No, we can't get back together. We shouldn't. At least, not right now.
- Lily Aldrin: Wow. Okay. Yeah. Well... will we still see each other?
- Marshall Eriksen: Yeah, yeah. I think so. I don't know. This is all really new to me. I just got out of a long relationship.
- [Lily giggles meekly]
- Marshall Eriksen: I like your hair.
- Lily Aldrin: Thanks. I figured new city, a different color.
- [They both smile]