How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

The Scorpion and the Toad (2006)

Alyson Hannigan: Lily Aldrin

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Barney is chatting with twin sisters at McLaren's, both of which he stole from Marshall] 

  Barney Stinson : So then, I was promoted to assistant ménage-er - manager. Why do I keep doing that?

  [Lily storms in and glares at Barney] 

  Barney Stinson : Lily?

  Lily Aldrin : You gave me chlamydia, you jerk!

  [Lily throws a drink in Barney's face, then storms out] 

  Barney Stinson : So, where was I? Ah yes, assistant ménage-er - I did it again. I can't believe it!

  [Lily storms in again, this time wearing a hat, and changing her voice slightly, yells:] 

  Lily's "twin" : You gave my twin sister chlamydia! You slime!

  [Lily's "twin" throws a drink in Barney's face, then storms out. The twins Barney was talking to get up and leave] 

  Barney Stinson : Wha... wait! I know magic!

• Older Ted Mosby : About hangovers - everyone has their own special remedy.

  Waiter : Morning guys, what can I get you?

  Lily Aldrin : Shhh!

  [Pats her head] 

  Lily Aldrin : Bring me the dirtiest, greasiest tuna melt you got. And a milkshake.

  Waiter : For you, sir?

  Ted Mosby : Gravy.

  Waiter : You want that gravy on something?

  Ted Mosby : Surprise me.

• Marshall Eriksen : Lily, what are you doing here?

  Lily Aldrin : Oh, oh, I was just walking by. I wasn't... Oh, you mean New York? My program ended. It was just great. Just lots of fun... It was awful. It was the worst mistake I ever made. I'm so sorry, Marshall, and... Hello.

  Marshall Eriksen : Lily, this was the worst summer of my life.

  Lily Aldrin : I know. It was the worst summer of MY life.

  Marshall Eriksen : It was the hardest thing that I've ever had to go through.

  Lily Aldrin : Can we please get back together?

  Marshall Eriksen : [somberly]  All that crap you said to me about, "We need to figure out who we are outside of us, and we need to learn to do things on our own". It broke my heart. Three months ago, you broke my heart.

  Lily Aldrin : [Hurting but trying to stay hopeful]  Can we please get back together?

  Marshall Eriksen : Lily, you were right. All that crap was right. So, no. No, we can't get back together. We shouldn't. At least, not right now.

  Lily Aldrin : Wow. Okay. Yeah. Well... will we still see each other?

  Marshall Eriksen : Yeah, yeah. I think so. I don't know. This is all really new to me. I just got out of a long relationship.

  [Lily giggles meekly] 

  Marshall Eriksen : I like your hair.

  Lily Aldrin : Thanks. I figured new city, a different color.

  [They both smile]