- Creed: I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the '60s, I made love to many, many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain, and it's possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing.
- Michael Scott: [watching Oscar get into a man's car in the parking lot] Oh, there's Gil, Oscar's roommate. I wonder if he knows.
- Michael Scott: [Michael has called Oscar faggy without knowing Oscar is gay] Listen, man, I am so sorry. I had no idea.
- Oscar: Oh, it's fine. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
- Michael Scott: No. No. No, it's not. I just... I feel terrible about it. I have been calling people faggy since I was in junior high, and I have never made this mistake. If I don't know how to behave, it is because I am just so far the opposite way. You know? I'm just... I... I can't even imagine the thing... Maybe we could go out for a beer sometime and you could tell me how you do that to another dude.
- Oscar: That sounds like a great, wonderful idea. Let's do that.
- [after extensively discussing Oscar's homosexuality]
- Michael Scott: ...At least we put this matter to bed. That's what she said.
- [pauses, nods contemplatively]
- Michael Scott: Or he said.
- Michael Scott: [in regards to Oscar being gay] I would have never called him that if I knew. You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they're acting retarded. And I consider Oscar a friend.
- Michael Scott: [after getting in trouble for harassing Oscar for being gay] Look, I watch "The L Word," okay?
- Jan Levinson: Good. Good.
- Michael Scott: I watch "Queer as..."
- [bleep]
- Michael Scott: so...
- Jan Levinson: That's not what it's called.
- Jim Halpert: I ate a tuna sandwich on my first day, so Andy started calling me Big Tuna. I don't think any of them actually know my real name.
- Oscar: Yes. I am super cool. I am an accountant at a failing paper supply company in Scranton. Much like Sir Ian McKellen.
- Michael Scott: Can you tell who's gay and who is not?
- Dwight Schrute: Of course.
- Michael Scott: What about Oscar?
- Dwight Schrute: Absolutely not.
- Michael Scott: Well, he is.
- Dwight Schrute: Well, he's not dressed in women's clothes, so...
- Dwight Schrute: You could assume everyone is and not say anything offensive.
- Michael Scott: Yeah. I'm sure everyone would appreciate me treating them like they were gay.
- Dwight Schrute: Michael appears to be gay, too. And yet he is my friend. I guess I do have a gay friend.
- Michael Scott: We are not in the playground anymore. There are new rules. We have to be mature, but we can't lose the spirit of childlike wonder. What is love anyway? Maybe it's supposed to break all the rules. Like me and Jan. Or Oscar and some guy. Life is short. When two people find each other, what should get in their way?
- Pam Beesley: I think we're just drunk.
- Jim Halpert: No, I'm not drunk. Are you drunk?
- Pam Beesley: No.
- Michael Scott: The only signal that I am sending is, gay good! Look, if I was gay I would be the most flamboyant gay you've ever seen. I would be leading the parade covered in feathers and just... I'd be waving that rainbow flag.
- Oscar: I was going to quit, but Jan offered me a 3-month paid vacation and a company car. All I had to do is sign something saying I won't sue. Gil and I are going to Europe. Kids, sometimes it pays to be gay.
- Michael Scott: Did you know that "gay" used to mean "happy". When i was growing up it meant "lame". And now, it means a man who makes love to other men.