How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Ted Mosby, Architect (2006)

Cobie Smulders: Robin Scherbatsky

Photos 

Quotes 

• Robin Scherbatsky : [after hearing Ted went to a club with a girl]  Dancing? He went dancing with this girl? Okay, maybe this is a little bad. Dancing is bad. Dancing leads to sex.

  Lily Aldrin : Did you grow up in that Footloose town?

• Robin Scherbatsky : Back to the sun rising over Ted and, uh... Oh, what tasteful way did you describe her?

  Brad Morris : The girl with the smackable ass.

  Robin Scherbatsky : Yes, that's the young lady.

• Robin Scherbatsky : Do you know how many times I could've cheated on him? Six... no, seven. And you know two of them, and they would surprise you.

• Barney : [In the apartment of the girl barney just hooked up with]  Come on, let's go before she gets out of the shower.

  Robin Scherbatsky : You're such a pig. You're not even going to say good-bye?

  Barney : I'll have you know I composed a lovely form letter for use in just such an occasion. Just fill out her name and then...

  [Thinks, trying to remember the girls name] 

  Barney : Something with a "A." A... A... I'll just put "resident."

  [Hears the shower shut off] 

  Barney : Go, go, go, go!

• Robin Scherbatsky : [Outside nightclub]  Excuse me. I'm looking for a couple guys who came in here earlier. One's about six-four, 210, sandy brown hair. And the other's a cheating bastard.

  Bouncer : You're going to need to refresh my memory.

  Lily Aldrin : Okay, fella. Baby knows how this game's played. How's a 20 help your memory?

  [Hands him a 20 dollar bill] 

  Bouncer : Thanks, but seriously, it was crazy tonight. You really do need to refresh my memory.

  Lily Aldrin : Oh, Then can I have the...?

  [Tries to take her money back, but the bouncer pockets it] 

  Lily Aldrin : That's cool. You keep that.

• Robin Scherbatsky : You know this girl. Where does she live?

  Bouncer : I'm not telling you that for less than 20 bucks.

  Lily Aldrin : Well, I'm out of money.

  Robin Scherbatsky : I'm cashed, too.

  Bouncer : I'll take your purse.

  Robin Scherbatsky : My purse?

  Bouncer : Yeah, my girl likes clutches.

  Robin Scherbatsky : Okay, fine.

  [Takes everything out of her purse then hands it over] 

  Lily Aldrin : [to the bouncer]  You should tell her that looks really good with a chocolate boot.

  Robin Scherbatsky : Bitch is lucky I brought my small purse. No room for my gun. Here. Now where does the rodeo slut live?

  Bouncer : The building with the green light, apartment 3-C.

  Lily Aldrin : Oh, my God, Robin, are you going to kick this girl's ass?

  Robin Scherbatsky : Yeah... And steal her purse.

• Ted : How was your day?

  Robin Scherbatsky : Good.

  [Walks away] 

  Ted : Wow, you're a great interviewer. Aren't you gonna ask how my day was?

  Robin Scherbatsky : No, I know how it was. It was awful.

  [Moves along] 

  Robin Scherbatsky : Ooh, you want to rent a movie tonight?

  Ted : You know, um... I listen to your work stories all the time.

  Robin Scherbatsky : Yeah, but... and I don't want to be rude here, but my work stories are interesting. I'm a television news reporter.

  Lily Aldrin : [Cut to Robin and Lily talking at the chiropodist]  Robin!

  Robin Scherbatsky : What? I knew exactly what he was going to say. I was just helping him get there faster.

  Lily Aldrin : You should work at a suicide hotline.

• Lily Aldrin : [after hearing Ted invited a girl from the bar to Marshall's law party]  He asked her to a party. Oh, my God, are you okay?

  Robin Scherbatsky : Okay? It's awesome. It's a win-win. Ted got to vent and I don't have to hear it. Maybe after he's done with the talkie-talk, he'll come over and I'll get the fun part.

  Lily Aldrin : What is wrong with you? God, I feel like I'm teaching love as a second language here. Okay, you know how when he tells you boring work stories you're supposed to listen? Well, when he picks up some random girl at a bar, you're supposed to freak out.

  Robin Scherbatsky : I'm not freaking out because in my mind, she's fat.

  Paula : She's a kickboxing instructor. Her ass looks better than my face.

  Robin Scherbatsky : All right, we'll swing by the party.