- Dr. Gregory House: So your arm only hurts after you lay on top of it all night?
- Patient: Yes.
- Dr. Gregory House: Have you ever thought about... I don't know... not doing that?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Where are you going?
- Dr. Gregory House: To get a $400 butt-plug.
- Dr. Cameron: What about George?
- Dr. Gregory House: He's going to have to get his own.
- [Cameron investigated George's place]
- Dr. Gregory House: What did you find out?
- Dr. Cameron: That you and George have the same taste in home furnishing and women.
- Dr. Gregory House: Danish modern and Russian gymnasts?
- Dr. Cameron: Pianos and prostitutes.
- [first lines]
- Fireman: So, you got a Green Beret, a Navy Seal, and a sister from Brooklyn. The general hands each of them a gun and says, 'Your spouse is seated next door, in a room, in a chair. In order to pass this test, you must go inside and kill 'em.' Immediately the Green Beret says, 'No, sir. I could never kill my wife! I just can't do it.' The general looks at him and says, 'You know what? You ain't got what it takes. Take your wife and go on home.' Navy Seal then heads in. Five minutes later, comes out, tears strolling down his face, 'I tried, I tried, I tried. I just can't do it, she looks so beautiful in the chair, I can't do it!' General looks at him and says, 'You know what? You ain't got what it takes.' Finally, sister from Brooklyn, strolls in with a swagger. Blam! Blam! Blam! Shots rang out, there's banging, there's screaming, it's going crazy. Suddenly, everything goes silent. General says, 'Well what the hell happened inside?' Sister from Brooklyn screams back, 'The damn gun had blanks in it, so I had to beat him to death with my bare... '
- [a wall falls, cutting him off]
- Dr. Gregory House: Cameron sees a clump of dirt and she thinks of me.
- Dr. James Wilson: Or a lump of something else.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Not for long, he wants to be discharged!
- Dr. Gregory House: Of course he does. Places to go, people to eat!
- Dr. Cameron: What'd your lawyer say?
- [House stares in surprise]
- Dr. Cameron: I looked up "buttplug" in a legal dictionary.