- Veronica Mars: Football: the systematic violation of the Geneva Convention made into a sport. I'm surprised the A.S.P.C.A. doesn't protest.
- Cyrus O'Dell: We can download pictures from the surface of the moons of Jupiter on to a portable phone, but we can't keep the air conditioner in this office running for more than a week at a time.
- Veronica Mars: [voiceover] Now maybe people would say they'd never install a tracking device in their significant others' car; but I think that's just because they don't know how.
- Veronica Mars: [voiceover] Now here's a moral dilemma: You have a cell phone tracker which cost your dad hundred of dollars. You went through the trouble of activating your GPS-chip in your boyfriend's phone. So, is it a waste of your dad's hard earned money and your time if you don't use it?
- Keith Mars: [talking about Weevil] Didn't he get arrested for murder?
- Veronica Mars: Assault.
- Keith Mars: See? He's not even good at murder.
- Parker Lee: Ya-hoo! That's two-thirds of a turkey, bitches! Ah, you're in a deep hole, Piznarski. We're going to totally humiliate you, but, you know, no pressure.
- Logan: Refreshments?
- Stosh 'Piz' Piznarski: Ten martinis.
- Eli "Weevil" Navarro: [to his boss] I guess I'll go wash some spoiled bitch's graduation gift from daddy, huh?
- Veronica Mars: I'm not spoiled, and technically, it wasn't for graduation.
- Eli "Weevil" Navarro: What about the bitch part?