Metalocalypse (TV Series)

Dethtroll (2006)

Brendon Small: Skwisgaar Skwigelf, Pickles the Drummer, Nathan Explosion, Charles Foster Ofdensen

Quotes 

• Nathan Explosion : I need a hundred beers. Exactly... Exactly one hundred, thank you.

• Nathan Explosion : Huh. I can't believe we summoned a troll. Why didn't we think of this earlier?

  Toki Wartooth : Oh, high school would've been awesome with a big pal, like him! He could'a carry me to school!

  Nathan Explosion : I know!

• Nathan Explosion : We have a tough choice. Playing acoustic is totally lame and not metal. But then again, if we don't put that troll back to sleep, we may never be able to check our e-mail with high-speed DSL again!

• Nathan Explosion : [the band is about to be eaten by Mustakrakish the lake troll; Nathan pulls out his digital recorder and speaks into it]  Idea for last song - ever..."Killed by a Troll."

• Nathan Explosion : [the band watches Mustakrakish rip out its own innards while trying to dislodge Murderface's cell phone from its throat, showering them in blood. The troll finally roars and explodes, lighting the Finnish forests and mountains on fire]  Metal.

• Nathan Explosion : [the band is in Finland, making an apology speech for almost destroying the country during a previous tour. Nathan is having some difficulties reading the speech]  Finland... we are here to... uhhh... apologize... for alleged... happenings... during... *during*... DUR-ING... uhhhh...

  [he leans away from the mic] 

  Nathan Explosion : ... reading, reader, huh... hey, what the hell is this?

  Charles Foster Ofdensen : You're, uh, trying to read the speech to people.

  Nathan Explosion : Yeah, wait, hold on.

  [he tosses the speech away] 

  Nathan Explosion : You know what? I pass.

  [he takes out a beer, cracks it open, takes a swig, and walks away] 

  William Murderface : [Murderface steps up to the podium]  Wrote my own speech. Hey f -

  [he is cut off by his cell phone ringing loudly; he puts his paper down and answers the call] 

  William Murderface : Y'ello? Aw, what's happenin'? Uh-huh.

  [the audience stares at him but he is oblivious] 

  William Murderface : Well, what did he say? What did *you* say? You did not!

  [Pickles sighs resignedly] 

  William Murderface : I know. I *know*. Figure wh...

  Pickles the Drummer : [Pickles pushes Murderface out of the way]  Friends, we're... we're not used to the whole apologizing thing.

  [he chuckles] 

  Pickles the Drummer : We're not professional apologizers! We're *musicians*.

  [he mimes playing a guitar] 

  Pickles the Drummer : So... we wrote a song for you! A new national anthem. We took the lyrics straight from your Finnish Folklore Book of Necronomic Spells!

  [the audience is shocked] 

  Nathan Explosion : [Nathan pushes Pickles out of the way]  You may recognize this one, though it hasn't been sung for a few thousand years! "Awaken, awaken, Mustakrakish, the lake troll!"

• Nathan Explosion : Night-time minutes start at 11 pm? Oh that's brutal.

• Skwisgaar Skwigelf : There's only two things to do in a power outage: get drunk...

  [rolls eyes upward, thinking] 

  Skwisgaar Skwigelf : ... one thing.

• [first lines] 

  Nathan Explosion : [into a recorder]  Idea for song: 'Mur-' 'Murder'. A guy- a guy gets murdered. And eaten. At an all... you can eat buffet.

  Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Last time I was in Finland...

  Nathan Explosion : Yeah.

  Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Last time I was in Finland, I must have, you know, luckied about, hmm, 500 girls.

  Nathan Explosion : Oh, and that happens forever. Yeah.

  Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Ballspark estimate. Whatever.

  Toki Wartooth : Not like it's so hard. You're in the biggest band in the world.

  Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Women have, uh...

  Toki Wartooth : He brags about eating lollipops, he works in lollipops factory.

  Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Women have. uh, felt the attraction to me. Hmm, you have to deal with it.

  Toki Wartooth : Oh, I'm dealing with it. Believe me. I'm holding back gallons of throw-up as we speak.

  Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Don't do me any favors; throw up on yourself.

• Nathan Explosion : Use the Dethphones! Throw them at that guy!

• Charles Foster Ofdensen : [when Toki complains about the Dethphones]  Well, it's, uh, your design. You may have been drunk, but you made a very convincing case to me, so.

  Nathan Explosion : All right, you know we get really, *really* excited about really bad ideas when we drink. And it's your job to talk us out of it, right?

  Charles Foster Ofdensen : Oh, I tried. I tried very hard, but you all threatened to kill me, if you don't remember.

  Pickles the Drummer : So? Big deal, Those threats aren't new.

  Charles Foster Ofdensen : Hmm? Noted.

• Nathan Explosion : You know we get really, really excited about really bad ideas when we drink. And it's your job to talk us out of it.

• William Murderface : What are those wood things? Chairs?

  Barkeep : They are acoustic instruments.

  Toki Wartooth : What is "acoustic"? Oh, you mean a grandpa's guitars?

  Skwisgaar Skwigelf : A grandpa's guitars. That's for pussies. And grandpas. Ugh. I think you know it.

• Nathan Explosion : Wait, Toki, why'd you stop playing?

  Toki Wartooth : I... have a confessions to make: I can'ts reads music.

  Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Dudes, Toki can't read music. Ha! It's a laugh.

  Toki Wartooth : Can you?

  Skwisgaar Skwigelf : ...No. I has music dyslexs-kia. You know that. I... don't wish to talk about it.

• Nathan Explosion : [talking into Dictaphone as troll bellows]  Idea for our last song ever... killed by a troll...

• Nathan Explosion : Wait. Then how ar- how are you playing that song?

  Toki Wartooth : Honestly, I was just hitting any note.

  Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Yeah. Me, too. That's an old musics school trick.

  Nathan Explosion : Sounded pretty good.

  Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Yeah, I know. It sounds pretty good. I think we got lucky.