Metalocalypse (TV Series)
Dethtroll (2006)
Tommy Blacha: Toki Wartooth, William Murderface
Quotes
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Toki Wartooth : This is heavy. It hurts my face. Boy, I really hates it.
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Nathan Explosion : Huh. I can't believe we summoned a troll. Why didn't we think of this earlier?
Toki Wartooth : Oh, high school would've been awesome with a big pal, like him! He could'a carry me to school!
Nathan Explosion : I know!
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Nathan Explosion : [the band is in Finland, making an apology speech for almost destroying the country during a previous tour. Nathan is having some difficulties reading the speech] Finland... we are here to... uhhh... apologize... for alleged... happenings... during... *during*... DUR-ING... uhhhh...
[he leans away from the mic]
Nathan Explosion : ... reading, reader, huh... hey, what the hell is this?
Charles Foster Ofdensen : You're, uh, trying to read the speech to people.
Nathan Explosion : Yeah, wait, hold on.
[he tosses the speech away]
Nathan Explosion : You know what? I pass.
[he takes out a beer, cracks it open, takes a swig, and walks away]
William Murderface : [Murderface steps up to the podium] Wrote my own speech. Hey f -
[he is cut off by his cell phone ringing loudly; he puts his paper down and answers the call]
William Murderface : Y'ello? Aw, what's happenin'? Uh-huh.
[the audience stares at him but he is oblivious]
William Murderface : Well, what did he say? What did *you* say? You did not!
[Pickles sighs resignedly]
William Murderface : I know. I *know*. Figure wh...
Pickles the Drummer : [Pickles pushes Murderface out of the way] Friends, we're... we're not used to the whole apologizing thing.
[he chuckles]
Pickles the Drummer : We're not professional apologizers! We're *musicians*.
[he mimes playing a guitar]
Pickles the Drummer : So... we wrote a song for you! A new national anthem. We took the lyrics straight from your Finnish Folklore Book of Necronomic Spells!
[the audience is shocked]
Nathan Explosion : [Nathan pushes Pickles out of the way] You may recognize this one, though it hasn't been sung for a few thousand years! "Awaken, awaken, Mustakrakish, the lake troll!"
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William Murderface : [looking at acoustic instruments] What are those wood things? Chairs?
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[first lines]
Nathan Explosion : [into a recorder] Idea for song: 'Mur-' 'Murder'. A guy- a guy gets murdered. And eaten. At an all... you can eat buffet.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Last time I was in Finland...
Nathan Explosion : Yeah.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Last time I was in Finland, I must have, you know, luckied about, hmm, 500 girls.
Nathan Explosion : Oh, and that happens forever. Yeah.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Ballspark estimate. Whatever.
Toki Wartooth : Not like it's so hard. You're in the biggest band in the world.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Women have, uh...
Toki Wartooth : He brags about eating lollipops, he works in lollipops factory.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Women have. uh, felt the attraction to me. Hmm, you have to deal with it.
Toki Wartooth : Oh, I'm dealing with it. Believe me. I'm holding back gallons of throw-up as we speak.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Don't do me any favors; throw up on yourself.
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William Murderface : What are those wood things? Chairs?
Barkeep : They are acoustic instruments.
Toki Wartooth : What is "acoustic"? Oh, you mean a grandpa's guitars?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : A grandpa's guitars. That's for pussies. And grandpas. Ugh. I think you know it.
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Nathan Explosion : Wait, Toki, why'd you stop playing?
Toki Wartooth : I... have a confessions to make: I can'ts reads music.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Dudes, Toki can't read music. Ha! It's a laugh.
Toki Wartooth : Can you?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : ...No. I has music dyslexs-kia. You know that. I... don't wish to talk about it.
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Nathan Explosion : Wait. Then how ar- how are you playing that song?
Toki Wartooth : Honestly, I was just hitting any note.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Yeah. Me, too. That's an old musics school trick.
Nathan Explosion : Sounded pretty good.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Yeah, I know. It sounds pretty good. I think we got lucky.
