"Metalocalypse" The Curse of Dethklok (TV Episode 2006) - Tommy Blacha as Toki Wartooth, William Murderface

Toki Wartooth : What's this place called?

Skwisgaar Skwigelf : This place, I believe, is called 'food libraries.'

Toki Wartooth : Fooood... libraries...

Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Fooood... libraries...

Pickles the Drummer : It's called a grocery store you douchebags! I'm sorry about douchebags, I got... I got low blood sugar.

Toki Wartooth : [gasps] What's this place called?

Skwisgaar Skwigelf : This is, I believes called, Food Libraries. Food Libraries.

Toki Wartooth : Food Library.

Pickles The Drummer : [yells] It's called a Grocery Store, you douchebags!

[regular volume]

Pickles The Drummer : I'm sorry about 'douchebags'. I got low blood sugar.

Nathan Explosion : Alright, here's the deal. We have to do our own shopping so we can make our own dinner like all the regular jack-offs do. Now you're all in charge of putting together one dish.

[yells]

Nathan Explosion : And don't just buy booze! That ain't food.

William Murderface : What do you mean, 'booze ain't food'? I'd rather chop off my ding-dong than admit that!

Toki Wartooth : You'd rather chop off your ding-dong than not drink?

William Murderface : [yells] Yeah!

Toki Wartooth : Wowee!

Toki Wartooth : [Toki and Skwisgaar are grocery shopping] Who is "wal... nuts?"

Skwisgaar Skwigelf : [Skwisgaar surreptitiously throws a box of tampons into Toki's cart] Uh, hey Toki, look inside of your basket.

[his voice barely conceals his amusement]

Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Guess why's you're in such a crappy mood: you have ladies' tampons... unside of it! And you buy them for yourself - go have a conversation with all the ladies and tell them your problems!

Toki Wartooth : YOU lady, Skwisgaar!

Skwisgaar Skwigelf : NO, I'M NOT!

Jean-Pierre : [Jean-Pierre is presenting a bottle of wine to the band] Uh, from the Prime Minister of Norway. There are several cases. The finest wi...

Nathan Explosion : NOOOO! We never drink before a show; never!

William Murderface : [Murderface takes the bottle and pours some wine into his goblet]

[slurring his words]

William Murderface : Well, I'll have just a little drink.

Toki Wartooth : [Toki hoists a beer can] Me, too.

Skwisgaar Skwigelf : [Skwisgaar has a few empty beer cans in front of him] Me, too.

Pickles the Drummer : [the table in front of Pickles is covered in empty liquor bottles] Me, too.

Nathan Explosion : [pause] Me, too.

Toki Wartooth : And then from the sorrow, far too, he blow he brain in.

Skwisgaar Skwigelf : He blow he brain out.

Toki Wartooth : Whatever.

Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Out.

Toki Wartooth : It make a great album cover.

Nathan Explosion : And don't just buy booze! That ain't food.

William Murderface : What do you mean, 'booze ain't food'? I'd rather chop off my ding-dong than admit that!

Toki Wartooth : WOOOOWWW. What is dis Place?

Skwisgaar Skwigelf : I think is called Fooood Library...

Toki Wartooth : Fooooood Liiibraaryyy...

Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Fooooood Liiibraaryyy...

Pickles the Drummer : IT'S A GROCERY STORE YOU DOUCHEBAGS! I'm sorry about 'douchebags,' I got low blood sugar.

Toki Wartooth : What's this place called?

Skwisgaar Skwigelf : This is, I believes, called food libraries.

William Murderface : There's only one thing left to do: kill ourselves.

Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Dudes, we would like have to sew him back together to get him to cook for us.

Toki Wartooth : Yeah, but we such screw-ups that he would be sewn back together wrong.

Nathan Explosion : WHOA! Thats a good song title.

Murderface : What do ya mean, booze ain't food! I'd rather chop off my ding-dong than admit that.

Toki Wartooth : You'd rather chop off your ding-dong than not drink?

Murderface : Yeah!

Toki Wartooth : Wowie!

Toki Wartooth : What is wal... nuts.

Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Uh, hey Toki, look inside of your basket. Guess why yours in such a crappy mood, you have ladies tampons inside of it. If you buy them for yourself go have a conversation with all the ladies and tell them your problem.

Toki Wartooth : You a lady, Skwisgaar!

Skwisgaar Skwigelf : *No I'm not!*

William Murderface : What do mean booze ain't food? I'd rather chop off my ding dong than admit that!

[the Dethcopter approaches the concert area. A giant metal cube with spikes on its sides deploys out the back cargo hatch, four parachutes at the top corners slowing its descent over the target concert area. The crowd "oohs" and smiles, anticipating its arrival as its shadow passes over them. Halfway down, the parachutes detach and the cube with its skull motifs plummets. It strikes the gorund off target, crushing a portion of the crowd. Those in its immediate vicinity lay on the ground, dismembered. Music begins and the surviving crowd cheers enthusiastically. Three walls of the cube fall away, revealing Dethklok playing in the stage inside while simultaneously crushing even more audience members. Panels slide out behind the stage and three giant screens rise up showing identical close-ups of Nathan Explosion as he begins to sing their death-metal coffee jingle]

Nathan Explosion : [spoken] Do you folks like coffee? *Real* coffee? From the hills of Columbia?

Nathan Explosion : [sung] Duncan Hills will wake you / From a thousand deaths / A cup of blackened blood

Toki Wartooth : [close-up] Die!

William Murderface : [close-up] Die!

Nathan Explosion : You're dying for a cup / Guatemalan blend / Ethiopian / French vanilla roast

Skwisgaar Skwigelf : [close-up] Die!

William Murderface : [close-up] Die!

Nathan Explosion : You're dying for a cup / Prepare for ultimate flavor / You're gonna get some *now*! / And scream for your cream!

[Skwisgaar Skwigelf plays guitar prominently as giant pots of coffee are poured onto the crowd, scalding off their flesh, followed by giant cup of creamer, then more coffee and more cream. Pyrotechnics are launched...]

Nathan Explosion : Duncan Hills / Duncan Hills

[... a small explosion occurs in the pyrotechnics' control panel and two ricochet off each other in mid-air...]

Nathan Explosion : Duncan Hills

[... with one heading towards the Dethcopter...]

Nathan Explosion : Coffee!

[... where Jean-Pierre gasps as he sees it through a window heading for him. It smashes through the window, exploding where he stands, sending him straight up through the top of the Dethcopter...]

Jean-Pierre : Nooo...

[... into its massive blades where he is chopped into twenty pieces, his cry cut short. Dethklok looks up, sees the explosion from the blast, then are startled as they get splattered with his blood. Additional explosions rock the Dethcopter as it slowly lists and falls, narrowly missing their stage]

[the chef offers wine to Dethklok]

Nathan Explosion : NOOOO! We never drink before a show, never!

William Murderface : Well I've been drinkin' all day.

Toki Wartooth : Me too.

Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Me too.

Pickles The Drummer : Me too.

Nathan Explosion : [Softly] Me too.

Pickles : Are you aware of the fate of our last restaurant helicopter chef?

Jean-Pierre : His face was...

William Murderface : His face was SMASHED!

Jean-Pierre : Yes I know.

Toki Wartooth : He slips his hand and face, sluk hoevercrofe.