It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (TV Series)
Dennis and Dee Get a New Dad (2006)
Kaitlin Olson: Dee Reynolds
Photos
Quotes
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Dennis Reynolds : I am not banging my sister.
Barbara Reynolds : Jesus Christ! What have I walked into here?
Dee Reynolds : Oh my God.
Barbara Reynolds : You two aren't having *sex* together...
Dennis Reynolds : No, we're not having sex.
Frank Reynolds : What the hell is she doing here?
Dee Reynolds : Sit down please, Mom.
Barbara Reynolds : I am not getting pulled into any sort of perverted sex talk.
Dennis Reynolds : It's not perverted!
Frank Reynolds : Banging your sister is perverted, Dennis!
Dennis Reynolds : [shouts] I am not banging my sister!
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Dee Reynolds : We need to talk to you about something, Dad.
Frank Reynolds : Shoot.
Dennis Reynolds : It's kind of disturbing.
Frank Reynolds : You two aren't banging, are you?
Dee Reynolds : What?
Dennis Reynolds : No! What are you talking about?
Dee Reynolds : No, that's disgusting.
Frank Reynolds : Yeah, yeah it is. Stay away from that kind of thing. No good can come of it, trust me.
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Mac : What in the hell is a MySpace page?
Dee Reynolds : It's like that friends forum.
Dennis Reynolds : Dude, these things are actually pretty awesome. You create a profile, and then you put your picture on there, and then other people send you pictures of themselves and they want to be your friend.
Mac : Wow, so that's the saddest thing I've ever heard. You guys are losers.
Dennis Reynolds : How are we losers, dude?
Mac : Well, maybe it boils down to this, smart guy: computers are for losers.
Dennis Reynolds : And you're drinking a beer at 8 o'clock in the morning.
Mac : Whatever, dude, irrelevant.
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Dennis Reynolds : Hey, pal. How- how you feeling?
Boy in ICU : It hurts everywhere.
Dennis Reynolds : Well...
Dee Reynolds : Well, it- Everything's gonna be okay.
Barbara Reynolds : You don't know that, Deandra.
Dee Reynolds : Shut up, Mother.
Barbara Reynolds : I don't think we should be lying to the sick children.
Dee Reynolds : I was trying to be encouraging.
Barbara Reynolds : Well, what if he doesn't get better? You're gonna look like a fool.
Dennis Reynolds : Mom, I gotta say I agree with Dee. I mean, the kid's gonna die anyway. What difference does it make?
Boy in ICU : I can hear you.
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Dennis Reynolds : There's this guy, Bruce, who contacted Dee on MySpace, and he's claiming to be our biological father.
Dee Reynolds : We just wanted to ask the question and just get it out of the way, is there a chance that that could be possible?
Frank Reynolds : No.
Barbara Reynolds : Yes.
Frank Reynolds : What?
Barbara Reynolds : Well, Bruce who? Bruce Mathis?
Dee Reynolds : Yeah.
Barbara Reynolds : Then yes.
Dee Reynolds : There's a chance this guy could be our father?
Barbara Reynolds : No, yes, he *is* your father.
Frank Reynolds : What the hell are you talking about?
Barbara Reynolds : Do we really have to get into all of this?
Frank Reynolds : Yes, we really have to get into all of this!
Dennis Reynolds : [overlapping] Oh, my god, yes!
Barbara Reynolds : Fine, fine, fine! Everybody settle down. It's not the end of the world. A long time ago, I met Bruce and we had this little affair, or whatever you want to call it. Long story short: he got me pregnant and I had to make a decision. Seeing as he had no money, I decided that the best thing for everyone was if I didn't tell Bruce and let your father think that the twins were his. End of story.
Dennis Reynolds : [shocked] End of story?
Frank Reynolds : How could you do that?
Barbara Reynolds : I'm sorry. Would you rather I had them aborted?
[to Dennis and Dee]
Barbara Reynolds : Children, would you like to have been aborted?