It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (TV Series)
Dennis and Dee Get a New Dad (2006)
Danny DeVito: Frank Reynolds
Photos
Quotes
-
Dennis Reynolds : I am not banging my sister.
Barbara Reynolds : Jesus Christ! What have I walked into here?
Dee Reynolds : Oh my God.
Barbara Reynolds : You two aren't having *sex* together...
Dennis Reynolds : No, we're not having sex.
Frank Reynolds : What the hell is she doing here?
Dee Reynolds : Sit down please, Mom.
Barbara Reynolds : I am not getting pulled into any sort of perverted sex talk.
Dennis Reynolds : It's not perverted!
Frank Reynolds : Banging your sister is perverted, Dennis!
Dennis Reynolds : [shouts] I am not banging my sister!
-
Dee Reynolds : We need to talk to you about something, Dad.
Frank Reynolds : Shoot.
Dennis Reynolds : It's kind of disturbing.
Frank Reynolds : You two aren't banging, are you?
Dee Reynolds : What?
Dennis Reynolds : No! What are you talking about?
Dee Reynolds : No, that's disgusting.
Frank Reynolds : Yeah, yeah it is. Stay away from that kind of thing. No good can come of it, trust me.
-
Frank Reynolds : [looking for someone via MySpace so he can kill him] Shit! He hasn't accepted my friend request!
Charlie Kelly : Relax, Frank. Sometimes it takes a while.
Frank Reynolds : It's been days! I have no friends!
Charlie Kelly : Would you stop saying that? You have friends.
Frank Reynolds : Yeah, I got you, I got this guy, Tom, and this crazy lady who claims we had a one-night-stand 30 years ago.
Charlie Kelly : Yeah, but Tom doesn't really count. He sort of comes with it.
-
Mac : Charlie, this is our opportunity to prove to people that we are to be respected. No one is more respected than dudes in prison right?
Charlie Kelly : Yeah.
Mac : And what are dudes in prison?
Charlie Kelly : Hard?
Mac : Right; this is our chance to get hard.
Charlie Kelly : OK OK i just don't know if this is the best way to get hard.
Mac : Of course it is, this is totally hard. Look you want to get hard don't you?
Charlie Kelly : I want to get hard. I want to get very very hard.
Mac : Alright, do you want to shove heroin into your ass?
Charlie Kelly : Dude I don't want to shove anything in my ass.
Mac : Alright this is the perfect opportunity to prove how hard we are and not have to shove anything into our asses.
Frank Reynolds : What in Gods name are you two talking about?
Mac : Frank we're in.
Frank Reynolds : Great!
[Fires Gun]
-
Frank Reynolds : Banging your sister is perverted, Dennis!
-
Dennis Reynolds : There's this guy, Bruce, who contacted Dee on MySpace, and he's claiming to be our biological father.
Dee Reynolds : We just wanted to ask the question and just get it out of the way, is there a chance that that could be possible?
Frank Reynolds : No.
Barbara Reynolds : Yes.
Frank Reynolds : What?
Barbara Reynolds : Well, Bruce who? Bruce Mathis?
Dee Reynolds : Yeah.
Barbara Reynolds : Then yes.
Dee Reynolds : There's a chance this guy could be our father?
Barbara Reynolds : No, yes, he *is* your father.
Frank Reynolds : What the hell are you talking about?
Barbara Reynolds : Do we really have to get into all of this?
Frank Reynolds : Yes, we really have to get into all of this!
Dennis Reynolds : [overlapping] Oh, my god, yes!
Barbara Reynolds : Fine, fine, fine! Everybody settle down. It's not the end of the world. A long time ago, I met Bruce and we had this little affair, or whatever you want to call it. Long story short: he got me pregnant and I had to make a decision. Seeing as he had no money, I decided that the best thing for everyone was if I didn't tell Bruce and let your father think that the twins were his. End of story.
Dennis Reynolds : [shocked] End of story?
Frank Reynolds : How could you do that?
Barbara Reynolds : I'm sorry. Would you rather I had them aborted?
[to Dennis and Dee]
Barbara Reynolds : Children, would you like to have been aborted?