- Lt. Randall Disher: Captain. I uh, tracked down Kalimarakis. I don't think he's our guy. Number One: it turns out he was allowed to join the Olympic swim team as an alternate. He got a waiver.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: So there's no motive.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Right, Number Two: he's dead. He died in 1995, and Number Three: He moved to Europe in the late 80s, so there's no record of him ever returning to the United States...
- [Stottlemeyer interrupts]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy? Randy? Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt you, but could you repeat Number Two again?
- Lt. Randall Disher: Okey-doke. Uh, he's dead.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Right... See, I probably would have stopped reading after Number Two. In fact I would have read Number Two first.
- Lt. Randall Disher: You would have switched them?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah. But that's just me. And probably every other adult on the planet Earth.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [walking in on Monk, who is defrosting a refrigerator] There you are.
- Natalie Teeger: Captain, what are you doing here?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Looking for you. I was about to give up when I heard some clowns downstairs talking about a guy up here defrosting a refrigerator. Who's Captain Cool?
- [Two students walk past them]
- First Student: Captain Cool lives!
- Second Student: The return of Captain Cool!
- First Student: The Iceman Cometh back!
- [They leave the lounge and walk down the hall laughing to themselves]
- Adrian Monk: Might be me.
- [He activates the blowdryer and continues to defrost]
- Natalie Teeger: Well this looks delicious. So this is where you ate? I mean was this your "hangout"?
- Adrian Monk: I don't know. Natalie, I-I-I think I've seen enough of this. Let's just go.
- Natalie Teeger: No, I'm not gonna let you go. You've been looking so forward to this.
- Adrian Monk: I don't know what I was thinking. These people weren't my friends, okay? They don't even remember me. The truth is I was invisible. It was Trudy they loved. I was just "the guy with Trudy," just like you're the girl with me.
- [Natalie stops]
- Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, why is your name on the spit-shield?
- [We see a plaque on the spit-shield with Monk's name proudly engraved on it]
- Adrian Monk: Well, when I was here, there was nothing protecting the food.
- Natalie Teeger: So you donated all of these? That is so generous of you!
- Adrian Monk: Actually, it was more of a lawsuit. Took up a lot of my spare time.
- Dianne Brooks: [comes over] Adrian, there you are. We've been looking for you.
- [She casts a suspicious glance at Natalie, like what Monk told her earlier about him not dating anyone isn't true]
- Natalie Teeger: Hi, I'm Natalie Teeger.
- Dianne Brooks: [shakes hands with Natalie] Hi. Dianne Brooks.
- Natalie Teeger: I'm his assistant.
- Dianne Brooks: Oh, so you two aren't?
- [she gestures her hands as if to mean "dating" or "together"]
- Natalie Teeger: No.
- Adrian Monk: No. No. No. No. No-no-no-no-no.
- [says it a few more times]
- Dianne Brooks: Where are you sitting? Kyle and I are right over here. We saved you a seat. Fair warning- we brought a lot of pictures.
- [They start walking in that general direction]
- Natalie Teeger: See, you have a friend!
- Adrian Monk: No. She was Trudy's roommate, freshman year.
- Natalie Teeger: Well, she saved us a seat.
- Adrian Monk: Out of pity. These are what we call "pity seats".
- Adrian Monk: [about Dianne Brooks having two dogs with the name Tangerine] One in a million. Maybe one in a trillion.
- Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, forget about the dog!
- Adrian Monk: How could the same person have two dogs, 25 years apart, happened to be named Tangerine? Tangerine, and this Tangerine is black!
- Natalie Teeger: Why would anybody lie about a dog's name?
- Adrian Monk: I don't know, but... there is something weird about that guy. Dianne said that he couldn't wait to meet me, but he didn't even know I was a detective.
- Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, come on! Let's have some fun!
- [snaps her fingers]
- Natalie Teeger: You said you were gonna show me your dorm room!
- Adrian Monk: Well, It's right here, old #303. Uh-oh! Tie on the doorknob!
- [there is a tie hanging from the doorknob]
- Adrian Monk: My roommate and I did the same thing, it's a code.
- Natalie Teeger: Yeah, I think I might know about that.
- Adrian Monk: Yeah, it means, "Don't come in! I'm reorganizing my closet."
- Natalie Teeger: Your closet?
- Adrian Monk: Yeah. My roommate in freshman year, Greg, he reorganized his closet 4-5 times a week.
- Natalie Teeger: Uh-huh. And did his girlfriend ever come over to help?
- Adrian Monk: Oh yeah, all the time, they were real neat freaks. I used to tease them about it. "Neat freaks!"
- [Stottlemeyer interrupts the reunion dinner while making an announcement from the stage]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Can you kill the music please? Thank you.
- [the music stops. Stottlemeyer tests the microphone and gets a bit of feedback]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Sorry to interrupt your dinner. This will just take a minute. My name is Captain Leland Stottlemeyer. I'm with the San Francisco Police Department. Now, we're working on a homicide investigation and could use your help. As you all know, a woman was killed on Friday night. Her name was Katherine Rutherford; she was a nurse at the university clinic. Now, we have reason to believe that someone in your class, possibly someone in this room, might be involved. We're looking for information - if anyone knows anyone who might have had a grudge against Mrs. Rutherford, or someone who might be missing a reunion lapel pin. The alumni...
- [the projector shows a photo of Stottlemeyer wearing riot gear. The people in the room all start booing him]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: All right! Hey-hey-hey-hey! Look!
- [turns to the photograph and then back]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: This is completely out of context. You can't tell the whole story from ONE photograph!
- [the image changes to show the whole photo, which depicts Stottlemeyer subduing a protestor and grabbing him by the hair. After a bit more booing from the audience, he speaks up and says]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You didn't have a permit!
- Male Student: Yes we did!
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: It expired at Noon!
- [the image on the projector changes to one of Stottlemeyer pointing at the Campanile clock tower, which reads 12:06 PM]
- Male Student: 12:06!
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Like I said, it expired at Noon.
- [Monk is fussing with his lapel pin]
- Adrian Monk: Is it straight? I can't get it straight.
- Natalie Teeger: Why don't you just stand at a slight angle?
- [they start walking]
- Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, maybe I should stay.
- Adrian Monk: No, I...
- Natalie Teeger: No-no, my parents can pick Julie up.
- Adrian Monk: I'm fine.
- Natalie Teeger: Well it's just that the last time you saw these people, you were with Trudy. I remember after Mitch died, how difficult it was, going to parties, seeing our friends, that's when I missed him the most.
- Adrian Monk: I'm way ahead of you. I did all my crying last night, I'm good to go.
- [Natalie pulls Monk's registration form out of her purse]
- Natalie Teeger: "Adrian 'Captain Cool' Monk". Who's Captain Cool?
- Adrian Monk: [strikes a Macho pose] That was my nickname.
- Natalie Teeger: You were Captain Cool? Why?
- Adrian Monk: Why do you think?
- Natalie Teeger: I don't know.
- Adrian Monk: Why do you think?
- Natalie Teeger: I don't know.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [examining a crime scene] A lot of gravity in these stairwells.
- [to Randy]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I just used the elevator. Why didn't she? Was it broken?
- [Randy starts to check his notes]
- Lt. Randall Disher: Uhhhh...
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: If you don't know, just say it.
- Lt. Randall Disher: I don't know.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [to a cop standing over Katherine Rutherford's body] Hey are there any beads down there?
- Uniform Cop: No sir.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: If she slipped on the beads, why didn't any of them roll away?
- [Randy looks in his notebook]
- Lt. Randall Disher: Beads, beads, beads...
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You don't know. Randy, this is wrong.
- [He picks up an intact portion of necklace and walks down to the body]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: This is very wrong.
- [to the officers]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Lift up her head.
- [Stottlemeyer puts the intact portion of the necklace around Katherine's neck, but it doesn't fit]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: It doesn't fit; it's too small. Okay, we're changing gears. Lock down this stairwell from the basement to the roof. Call the watch commander; this is now a homicide investigation.
- Natalie Teeger: Oh, look. There's a reception for all current and past senior chess club members. Weren't you in the chess club? That sounds like fun.
- [Monk gives her an odd look]
- Natalie Teeger: You never know. It might be fun.
- Adrian Monk: Natalie, have you ever seen a chess club?
- Natalie Teeger: What are you doing?
- [Monk is picking at something underneath the bench]
- Adrian Monk: Weeds.
- Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, there are weeds everywhere! What are you gonna do? Clean up the whole campus?
- Natalie Teeger: You mean when he wrote it on your back, you could feel it? Y-you could do that?
- Adrian Monk: I have very sensitive skin.
- Natalie Teeger: That's like a superpower! Like a really weird, not very useful super-power.
- [Randy is at his desk, and noticing something, he rushes into Stottlemeyer's office]
- Lt. Randall Disher: Captain? The lapel pin. I just remembered where I saw it.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: When?
- Lt. Randall Disher: Just now at my desk.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: No I mean... tell me about the pin, Randy.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Monk. He's been wearing the same pin all week for his 25th college reunion.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I think you're right. Did the victim go to Berkeley?
- Lt. Randall Disher: No, she worked there. She was a nurse at the university clinic for, like, 20 years.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: But she didn't graduate, so this isn't her pin.
- Lt. Randall Disher: The killer.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: It fell off the killer... which means the killer is at the reunion... with Monk?
- Dianne Brooks: [handing a photo to Monk and Natalie] We don't have any children so we just show pictures of our house.
- Natalie Teeger: Well, it's nice.
- Dianne Brooks: Thank you. And that's Tangerine.
- Adrian Monk: Wait. Didn't you used to have a dog named Tangerine?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Well, that's what the kids call a motive.
- Natalie Teeger: Then he waited 25 years to do something about it? Who could hold a grudge for that long?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I could. And have.
- [Monk and Natalie are at the reunion dinner. Monk points at Kyle Brooks]
- Adrian Monk: He missed that ball on purpose. He dropped his hands. I think he wanted her to break that glass.
- Natalie Teeger: Well why, Mr. Monk?
- Adrian Monk: And the dog? What about the dog with the same name and how he insisted on everyone eating at Rocco's? I mea, what was that all about?
- Natalie Teeger: I don't know! Maybe the guy's eccentric.
- Adrian Monk: No, *I'm* eccentric. He's up to something.
- [a photo of Adrian and Trudy appears on the slideshow projector]