Ten Inch Hero (2007)

Judith Drake: Lucille

Quotes 

• Jen : [about Fuzzy]  It's a no-brainer. We *have* to meet.

  Priestly : Right on!

  Piper : And what if he is a woman?

  Jen : We'll find a way to make it work.

  Priestly : Ooh, if that happens, can I watch?

  Tish : What is he's 14?

  Priestly : Ooh, if that happens, can I, uh

  [Holds a glass to his eye] 

  Priestly : videotape?

  Jen : He's driving himself to the meeting point, so he's gotta be at least 16, right? And that's not *that* much younger.

  Trucker : Convicted felon?

  Jen : Well, he's out noe, so it couldn't have been that bad.

  Mr. Julius : Paralyzed?

  Jen : If *he* can deal with that, I sure can.

  Lucille : Ugly as a rhino's ass?

  Jen : Looks are really the least of my worries. I mean, he's a great guy.

  Priestly : Well, what if he's got, like, crazy-ass hair and-and, and more artificial holes in his head than real ones?

  Jen : Well, I could never be that lucky.

  [Priestly smiles] 

• Trucker : ['Interviewing' Piper]  Okay, uh. Let me think... Elvis, dead or alive?

  Piper : Dead.

  Tish : Andy Kaufman?

  Piper : Dead.

  Trucker : Jerry Garcia?

  Piper : Grateful, and dead.

  Tish : Mariah Carey?

  Piper : Are we talking about her acting career?

  Tish : [Chuckles]  No.

  Piper : Okay, then alive.

  Lucille : Why'd you come to Santa Cruz?

  Piper : I have family here.

  Mr. Julius : Are you a virgin?

  [Everyone groans] 

  Trucker : Mr. Julius!

  Mr. Julius : Sorry, sorry.

  Piper : No... But I used to be.

  Tish : You're not a witch, by any chance?

  Piper : Is that a job requirement?

  Tish : Trucker's blazin' for the woman who owns the crystal store across the street. He thinks she's Wiccan.

  Jen : Yeah, they're soul mates, except she's not exactly aware of it yet.

  Trucker : Okay, everybody! Time to vote!

  [Everyone puts their hands up, including the customers] 

• Priestly : [Jen's computer chimes]  Oh, look! fuzzzy_22, right on time!

  Jen : [Pushes Priestly]  Shut up!

  Priestly : Can't believe it, Jen. You've fallen for a cop.

  Tish : Why do you think he's a cop?

  Priestly : Uh, 'fuzz'? What else could it be?

  Tish : I'm thinking peach fuzz, since he's probably like, 12 or something.

  Priestly : Or maybe he's got a really hairy back.

  Tish : Ugh!

  Piper : Maybe he's a peach farmer in Georgia.

  Lucille : Oh, Jen, you don't wanna move to Georgia!

  Jen : I'm not moving anywhere.

  Tish : I bet the '22' means he's a gun freak.

  Piper : Could just be his age, you know.

  Tish : Or, it could be the number of years left until his parole hearing.

  Priestly : Yeah, or maybe the last 22 years have been really like, fuzzy for him.

  Jen : I like that one!

• Tish : No way.

  Jen : What?

  Tish : You're still the scarlet V.

  Jen : [Scoffs]  So? It's nothing to be ashamed of. Is it?

  Piper : No, it's not. If I had maintained, I wouldn't be in the mess I'm in now.

  Tish : Yeah, yeah. Listen, it's uh, it's not really different from when you do it yourself, it just takes a lot longer.

  [Jen makes a face] 

  Tish : Never?

  Jen : You guys, I'm a computer nerd daughter of a southern Baptist minister from Wichita! I'm the worst kind of late bloomer!

  Piper : You've never plucked your own banjo?

  Jen : Come on, it's not like you guys do it all the time, right?

  Piper : Yesterday morning.

  Tish : Two days ago.

  Lucille : Last night.

  [the girls look at her] 

  Lucille : Don't worry; I made Bam Bam go in the other room!

  Jen : Oh. And *I'm* the one worried about carpal tunnel.

  Tish : Yeah, it's not carpal. It's more in the fingers.

  [Piper laughs]