It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (TV Series)

Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody's Ass (2006)

Rob McElhenney: Mac

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Quotes 

• Mac : [listening to Frank's Vietnamese music]  This music sounds like whales raping each other.

• Dennis Reynolds : If Charlie took any time to study in school, he would recognize that the Constitution protects my freedom to blow smoke all over his face.

  Charlie Kelly : You gotta be... you don't know shit about the Constitution, man.

  Mac : Uh, he knows more than you two un-American freedom haters.

  Dennis Reynolds : Thank you.

  Dee Reynolds : Oh, Charlie, we hate freedom. Eww, we hate it.

  Dennis Reynolds : You hate it.

  Charlie Kelly : Oh, *I'm* un-American?

  Frank Reynolds : You're practically a Viet Cong.

• Dennis Reynolds : The t-shirts are working.

  Mac : Isn't that amazing? You ask to see a woman's breasts on the street, you get slapped. You give her a free t-shirt and videotape it and the clothes come right off.

  Dennis Reynolds : I love this country.

• Mac : I say we hit the sorority houses, start passing out some flyers...

  Dennis Reynolds : We need to go the library. At sorority houses you're going to find nothing but tramps and whores.

  Mac : Perfect.

  Dennis Reynolds : You're not listening. We don't want wild girls. We want good girls gone wild. It's important to see the transition, watch the process...

• Dennis : See? This is what it was like to have a bar in New Orleans, bro!

  Mac : Oh, man, New Orleans really had their shit figured out!

  Dennis : They totally had their shit figured out! Yeah, except for the levees.

  Mac : Right, yeah, except for the levees.

• Mac : Well, then, what would you say?

  Dennis Reynolds : She's a quitter.

  Dee Reynolds : You know what, I don't even care! I don't care.

  Dennis Reynolds : And that proves my point. Because you don't care, you never succeed.

  Mac : Right. Failed.

  Dennis Reynolds : Failure implies that she actually *tried* to be an actor.

  Dee Reynolds : Okay, I did try, it just didn't happen to work out.

  Frank Reynolds : It's not your fault, sweetie. You're just not pretty enough.

  Dee Reynolds : Wow, thank you! That's my dad, everybody.

• Frank Reynolds : Do we have any sharp knives?

  Mac : What?

  Dennis Reynolds : What?

  Frank Reynolds : These guys are maniacs! They want to start betting fingers.

  Dennis Reynolds : Fingers!

  Mac : What are you talking about?

  Frank Reynolds : If Alan loses this hand, he's gonna start chopping off his fingers. I've never seen anything like it in my life!

  Mac : Okay, this has gone way too far.

  Dennis Reynolds : This is getting ridiculous. Dad, your friends have got to go!

  Frank Reynolds : Bullshit!

  Mac : You are *killing* our freedom, man!

  Frank Reynolds : This is what freedom's all about. I'm living on the edge!

• Dee Reynolds : I am not a failure!

  Mac : Dennis, what is it that you call it when somebody tries to do something but doesn't succeed?

  Dennis Reynolds : Uh, that would in fact be a failure.

  Mac : Dee is a failure.