- [first lines]
- Gerry Standing: There you go.
- [places bowls of jellied eel in front of them]
- Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Oh dear, oh dear.
- Brian Lane: We walked all this way for this?
- Gerry Standing: Yeah, it's closing down; it's me last chance.
- Jack Halford: Can I borrow your glasses, Gerry?
- Gerry Standing: Go on, it won't bite!
- Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: You sure about that?
- Gerry Standing: Jack, come on, you're a man of the world.
- Jack Halford: [studying the bowl dubiously] It doesn't look like this is of this world. No thank you.
- Brian Lane: I don't eat food that wobbles.
- Gerry Standing: Well, you don't know what you're missing.
- [takes a large bite]
- Gerry Standing: Mmm. Mmm. The true taste of Old London; you know, the one being wiped out by Ken and his cronies. I mean, hundreds of years of history and tradition...
- Det. Supt. Sandra Pullman: Oh, for God's sake, shut up. Look, I'm eating it.
- Brian Lane: Oh pooh, Ernie.
- Gerry Standing: There is no way he could have sold two grand's worth of ice cream on that particular day.
- Brian Lane: Well, no, 'cause you eat strawberries and cream at Wimbledon.
- Gerry Standing: No, not just that. On the third of July, Cliff Richard entertained the centre court because it was *pissing* down. The covers were up and down like a whore's drawers on Friday night while he murdered 'Living Doll'.
- [last lines]
- Esther Lane: Well, if I'd known this was what it took to get the kitchen decorated, I'd have bought you a chemistry set for your birthday.