It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (TV Series)

Dennis and Dee Go on Welfare (2006)

Keith Bullard: Drug dealer

Quotes 

• Crack Dealer : Whatchu need?

  Dennis Reynolds : Uh, one please.

  Crack Dealer : One what?

  Dennis Reynolds : Uh, one... rock of crack... A crack rock. Is that enough? Is one crack rock enough?

  Dee Reynolds : Um, how much would you recommend for a first time user?

  Crack Dealer : Tell you what, I'll make you a deal. Two for the price of one.

  Dee Reynolds : Really? Oh, that's very nice of you.

  Dennis Reynolds : Oh, that sounds good. How much?

  Crack Dealer : 200 dollars?

  Dennis Reynolds : Sounds reasonable, great. Okay.

  [slides money through window] 

• Dennis Reynolds : [going to buy crack to get on welfare]  Okay, we'll smoke a little bit. Just enough to get it into our system.

  Dee Reynolds : Yeah, and then we'll go to the doctor and we'll get all of our paperwork and we'll get full benefits.

  Dennis Reynolds : Yeah, and then we'll just collect for just a little while, until we get settled. And then, uh, I'll take the MCATs.

  Dee Reynolds : And I'll move to New York. Perfect.

  [notices crack dealer outside car] 

  Dee Reynolds : Ahh!

  Dennis Reynolds : Ohh! My God! Whew.

  Dee Reynolds : Jesus!

  Dennis Reynolds : Wow, you scared us. Oh, not 'cause you're black. No, no, no, we're not racist.

  Dee Reynolds : No, no, God no.

  Dennis Reynolds : No, it's just that the neighborhood is scary...

  Dee Reynolds : If you were another ethnicity you'd pop, you'd really pop up.

  Dennis Reynolds : But it's a nice neighborhood, I mean, it's okay... It's the nature of this...

  Crack Dealer : Roll your window down.