It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (TV Series)

Dennis and Dee Go on Welfare (2006)

Rob McElhenney: Mac

Photos 

Quotes 

• Frank Reynolds : Charlie, you've got a lot of balls stealing my money. This shows leadership. I am promoting you to management.

  Charlie Kelly : That's why I did it. That is why I did it.

  Mac : That's why I did it too, Frank! I stole lots of your money, what do I get?

  Frank Reynolds : You get dick, because you are a follower and a thief.

  Dee Reynolds : How come Charlie...? Not fair... How come Charlie...?

  Dennis Reynolds : Why would you do this to us, Dad?

  Frank Reynolds : Because you are crackheads, children.

• Mac : [looking over prospective employees at the welfare office]  What about that one? He seems strong. Look at those massive thighs.

  Charlie Kelly : Yeah those are good thighs, but you're gonna have a problem with work ethic.

  Mac : That's what I'm talking about dude, you can't be saying things like that.

  Charlie Kelly : No dude, I'm not saying that 'cause he's black, I'm saying 'cause he's asleep in his chair.

• Mac : [after Charlie closes the window on Dennis and Dee]  Driver, we're done here.

  [Everyone starts laughing] 

• Charlie Kelly : All I'm saying is that slaves is not a racist term. Look throughout history many people have been slaves. There have been Jewish slaves, Italian slaves, Asian slaves.

  Mac : Yes Charlie but you have to realize that in this country it's a sensitive issue.

• Frank Reynolds : Well, if we're gonna do something like this, we gotta make sure we don't abuse anybody.

  Charlie Kelly : No, I mean I know what it's like to grow up poor. You know, we gotta treat people with respect.

  Mac : Respect is the name of the game. Respect is number one!

  Charlie Kelly : It's the name of almost every game.

  Mac : Absolutely because we understand the plight of the worker.

  Charlie Kelly : Plight...

  Mac : Respect.

  Charlie Kelly : Respect the plight. What d'ya think, Frank?

  Frank Reynolds : I'm good, go get us some slaves.

• Mac : You guys have nothing outside this bar.

  Dennis Reynolds : Don't worry Mac, we'll be just fine.

  [cut to title "Dennis and Dee Go on Welfare"] 

• Mac : Unemployment runs out, what are you gonna do then?

  Dennis Reynolds : Well then we'll just go on welfare.

  Mac : Welfare is for people who need it, like drug addicts and single mothers. It's not for over privileged pieces of shit who want to waste millions in taxpayer dollars...

  Dennis Reynolds : [turns music on and begins singing]  OH BABY YOU/ YOU GOT WHAT I NEEEEEDD!