Home Movies (TV Series)

The Wizard's Baker (2004)

H. Jon Benjamin: Coach John McGuirk, Jason Penopolis, Perry, Various

Quotes 

• Coach McGuirk : Remember, You made someone do something bad with swords.

• Coach McGuirk : [Cuts down door with two swords]  It's Spaghetti Time!

• Host : [Coach is watching the Shop at Your House network, where they're selling the "Ultimate Sword Package"]  I could see these behind glass in a living room or a den in middle America...

  Hostess : Ooh, you paint a pretty picture.

  Host : ...put over a hearth or a furnace or whatever you have. I would see these over my work area...

  Hostess : As a wall hanging.

  Host : ...down in the basement, where I could come down alone after... an argument with my wife...

  Mappy : Exactly!

  Host : ...and look at the swords, and look at the swords.

  Mappy : Take 'em out, too!

  Host : And sharpen 'em.

  Mappy : Swing 'em around in your backyard.

  Host : Yeah, and just have fun with it.

• Melissa Robbins : Jason, you're blowing the deal!

  Jason Penopolis : No, I'm not, it's Brendon, Melissa!

  Melissa Robbins : You're the one who dropped the baby!

  Jason Penopolis : So, it's a fat baby! How was I suppose to hold it? You try picking it up, Melissa!

  Melissa Robbins : I'm not picking up fat babies, Jason!

  Jason Penopolis : What's the matter, Melissa, chicken to pick up a fat baby? There it is, pick him up!

• Coach McGuirk : Hey, My Swords are worth more than all these foods combined.

  Clerk : Yes, But we do not accept swords.

  Coach McGuirk : Why don't you accept swords?

  Clerk : Let me ask my manager.

  [Picks up Phone] 

  Clerk : Uh Yeah, Leo?

  [mumbles] 

  Clerk : call the cops.