Home Movies (TV Series)

School Nurse (2001)

H. Jon Benjamin: Coach John McGuirk, Jason Penopolis

Quotes 

• Coach McGuirk : Uh, this is a poem I call "New York Times". New York Times. / New York Times. / You think you're better than us? / Us? / U-S? / USA? / No Way. Thank you.

• Coach McGuirk : [drunkenly]  So I said to her "You want it clean? HUH? You want it CLEAN? YOU CLEAN IT! CLEAN IT YOURSELF! CLEAN IT YOURSELF!"... and I haven't spoken to my mother since.

• Coach McGuirk : [drunk]  You wanna know something? *Anyone* can become a soccer coach. Like, they don't regulate. Like you have to get a degree, right? So you're qualified.

  Nurse Kirkman : Yes... I do have a degree.

  Coach McGuirk : Yeah, I'm not. You can become coach, of a sport that you don't care about, you don't know how to play, you're not good with kids. But I have had the job for three years. You'd think that they would check up but they don't.

• Coach McGuirk : [being examined by the nurse]  Lady, you can come on to me all you want. I'm gonna say no every time.