Home Movies (TV Series)

Bye, Bye Greasy (2004)

H. Jon Benjamin: Coach John McGuirk, Jason Penopolis, Perry, Various

Quotes 

• Coach McGuirk : I'll race / To feel the wind in my face / And I'll race / To feel alive / And I'll race / To feel like I own this place / And I'll race until I die / And I'll race against the other racers / And I'll race with one big shout / And I'll race against the clock / And I'll race against myself / And I'll race / And I'll race!

• Jason Penopolis : [acting on stage]  So Lena, I don't really know what to say... to you. I know I'm your boyfriend, uh, my name is Chip.

  [awkward pause] 

  Jason Penopolis : Such a nice day. Birds are singing, and the sun's shining. It's snowing. Summer is here.

  Brendon Small : [whispering from offstage]  Tell her that you know she's seeing Maloney.

  Jason Penopolis : Oh, and yeah, so, you're not seeing Maloney?

  Brendon Small : [whispered]  No, you *know* that.

  Jason Penopolis : You know that.

  Brendon Small : [whispered]  You know, *you* know.

  Jason Penopolis : You know, Lena...

  Brendon Small : [whispered]  *You* know that.

  Jason Penopolis : Lena, you...

  Brendon Small : [whispered]  No, Shh!

  Jason Penopolis : You know that...

  Brendon Small : [whispered]  *You* know that. No, *you* know that.

  Jason Penopolis : No, Lena, you know that!

  [Brendon sneaks onstage, hiding behind a fake bush next to Jason] 

  Jason Penopolis : What?

  Brendon Small : [whispered]  No, *you* know that, not her.

  Jason Penopolis : You *know* that, not her!

  [whispered] 

  Jason Penopolis : Oh, I'm sorry Brendon.

  Brendon Small : No, *your* character, *you* know that she's seeing Maloney.

  Jason Penopolis : Oh. I know that you're seeing Maloney, the guy Brendon is playing.

• Brendon Small : So I'm directing the school play, you know. It's not bad. Good break for me.

  Coach McGuirk : Um... if you like directing school plays, yeah.

  Brendon Small : Yeah, it's gonna be... it's gonna be pretty good I think, you know. But here's the cool part: they said I could cast one faculty member...

  Coach McGuirk : The answer is no.

  Brendon Small : ...and I was thinking about you.

  Coach McGuirk : I know. The answer is no.

  Brendon Small : What do you think?

  Coach McGuirk : I said no.

  Brendon Small : Well let me tell you... let me tell you about the play just a little bit. It's called Bye, Bye Greasy. Are you familiar with it?

  Coach McGuirk : Yeah.

  Brendon Small : I have a copy right here if you want to...

  Coach McGuirk : Let's, uh... let's go back and figure out what just happened. I said no.

  Brendon Small : Uh huh.

  Coach McGuirk : Then I said no. Then you kept going. Then I said no.

  Brendon Small : Right.

  Coach McGuirk : All right, so now we're done.

  Brendon Small : Right.

  Coach McGuirk : Have fun with your school play.

  Brendon Small : Have fun with the school play.

  Coach McGuirk : Goodbye.

• Coach McGuirk : That's practically a fantasy of mine, to drive a car in a building.

• Brendon Small : I think I got pretty good roles for you guys. Perry, you're going to play Hank. He's a garage monkey who hangs out with Maloney and works on cars.

  Perry : Oh, OK.

  Brendon Small : And Walter, you're gonna play Mrs. Maloney.

  Walter : Yay! A woman!

  Perry : Finally, some good roles for women!

• Jason Penopolis : [Brendon is watching the cast receive a standing ovation when Jason interrupts]  Uh, Brendon?

  Brendon Small : Yeah, yeah, yeah, what?

  Jason Penopolis : There's, like, five scenes left in this play.

  Brendon Small : There are?

  Jason Penopolis : Yeah.

  Brendon Small : Oh, man.

  Jason Penopolis : Sort of breaks the flow of a play when the actors bow and say goodnight.

  Brendon Small : Yeah, well let's just let them... let's let them just be finished.