Married... with Children (TV Series)

Born to Walk (1987)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Al : What a nice little town we live in. Neighborhood's burning down, no cops. There's a robbery, no cops. I start my car, here comes the Bundy squad.

• Al : [ironically]  Oh no, that's my pleasure Peg, even though my rates will skyrocket

  [to Kelly] 

  Al : because you're underage and I'm paying a special rate for

  [glances at Peg] 

  Al : the bumper-car queen over here...

  Kelly : [smiling emotionally]  Well, I know why you don't want me to drive and it's not the insurance. Your little girl is growing up and you can't bear to let her go, huh?

  [Kelly wraps her arms around Al] 

  Al : No, it's the insurance.

• Al : Uh, Peg, maybe you didn't hear me. I said I failed my written test.

  Peggy : Well, I didn't say I was proud of you.

  Kelly : And Mom, Dad got another ticket for a broken tail-light and one for driving without a license.

  Peggy : [with sarcasm]  Oh, I'm sorry, Al. Now I'm proud of you.

• Al : Well, a special thanks to everyone who didn't get up this morning to drive me to work.

  Bud : That's my bike. I reported it stolen.

  Al : Well, I'll get arrested for that tomorrow. Today I just got a ticket for a broken tail-light.

• Al : No, this too: right now your daddy's a little irritated, because you cost your daddy 500 freaking dollars, but more important than that - well, not more important than that but as important - you've showed me how little you care. So tomorrow, when I go to get my license...

  Kelly : Who's taking you, Dad?

  Al : I'll crawl on my face. When I come home, your daddy is not going to give you anything: not a smile, no money, no food... I'm not going to lift a finger to help any of you and I don't expect any of you to lift a finger to help me. From now on, we have a new Bundy rule: every man for himself.

• Al : Hey, Steve?

  [chuckles] 

  Al : You know that two feet, three inches? Well, it was just big enough that a cop spotted me and gave me another ticket for a broken tail-light.

  Steve : Well, I warned you, Al.

  Al : [chuckling]  Yeah, oh yeah. You know, me and you just have to go hunting one day. Yeah, I'll get you a pair of antlers to wear.

• Steve : [looking through the booklet]  Ooh, these tests are brutal. Ooh, here's one they'll never get me on again: how many feet in advance do you have to signal before making a turn in a business or residential area?

  Al : Who cares?

  Steve : A cop in a business or residential area.

• Al : Peg. Sell the house.

  Peggy : Why, Al? Did you see a shirt somewhere you like?

  Al : Yes. It said, "Congratulate Me, Wife's Dead".

• Al : How would you like to increase your money 20-fold.

  Steve : I already did. I bet you wouldn't pass your driving test.