Married... with Children (TV Series)
'Til Death Do Us Part (1993)
Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy
Photos
Quotes
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Al Bundy : How you feeling, Peg? I'm surprised you could make it down those stairs this morning.
Peggy Bundy : I know. I was pretty tired. I hope that buzzing didn't keep you awake last night.
Al Bundy : Yeah, those damn bees. You know, and one must have stung you too, 'cause I heard you scream.
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Al Bundy : Bask in the afterglow, baby. Now, Peg, you're not glowing. You don't have that "I've been satisfied by Al Bundy" look on your face. Gee, maybe you should go to your girlie doctor. You know, they say you should get checked out every 50 years or so. You know, put you up on the old rack, check your belts and hoses.
Peggy Bundy : Honey, there is nothing wrong with my belts and hoses. I just need to be taken out and driven once in a while.
Al Bundy : Well, that can't be a shot at me. I'm Al "The Mailman" Bundy. I deliver.
Peggy Bundy : Yes, Al, but mailmen are slow and they deliver every day.
Al Bundy : Yeah, but they don't always have to go to the same house.
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[first lines]
Al Bundy : [thinking, praying] Oh, Lord... if I ever meant anything to you please let me fall asleep before she thinks of sex.
[Peggy, as if on cue, turns towards Al]
Peggy Bundy : AAAlllll.
Al Bundy : [facing skyward] You are a woman, aren't ya?
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Al Bundy : But seriously, Peg, I mean, you weren't satisfied?
Peggy Bundy : Well, let's put it this way: I used to call you The Minute Man. Now I long for those days. But, you know, Marcy was very comforting. She said with you, the sooner it's over, the better. Ha ha ha.
Al Bundy : You told her?
[Marcy and Jefferson enter]
Jefferson D'Arcy : Al, you, uh... You wanna throw around the football? Heh. There... are we done?
[Jefferson and Marcy laughs]
Al Bundy : I think she might have told him!
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Neighbor : Hey, Bundy, do me a favor! Have sex with your wife 50 times! We're cookin' an egg! Ha ha!
Al Bundy : Hey, Donnelly, why don't you use the time it takes your son to get out of his dress?
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Al Bundy : [into the phone] Come on, Lois. So it's been 20 years since I promised to call you. I'm calling you now. Now, listen, this is a toll call so let me get right to the point. Remember that night in the back seat of my old Dodge? How was I? I knew it.
[pause]
Al Bundy : What kind of car am I driving now? I gotta go. Bye.
[hangs up]
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Al Bundy : [on the phone] So I was great. The best! Ha ha ha! Oh, come on, now. You're making me blush. Well, thank you, Sister Mary Ignatius.
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Al Bundy : [on the phone] Uh, yeah, uh, can I speak to Marilyn Fisher? Oh, she's Mrs. O'Brien now. Uh-hm. Um, you're the husband. I... I see. Well, could you do me a favor? Yeah, uh, my name's Al Bundy. Uh, could you ask her if she meant it when she said she'd had them all, but I was the best? Oh, she's breast-feeding. Hey, hey, that... That brings back memories.
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Kelly Bundy : Daddy, do you remember my boyfriend T-Bone?
Al Bundy : No, but he sounds delicious.
Kelly Bundy : Oh, I'll tell him you said so. Anyway, we were all down at the Harley shop, and he and his friends got into a discussion about whether there should be a limit to presidential campaign contributions. Which, of course, led to a knife fight. Oh, and, Daddy, you should be proud to know that nowadays when kids fight they say "I'm gonna waste you quicker than Al Bundy!"
