American Dad! (TV Series)

Tears of a Clooney (2006)

Wendy Schaal: Francine Smith

Quotes 

• Francine Smith : I have a new dream now. You wanna know what it is? You really wanna know?

  Stanley Smith : Eh.

  Francine Smith : My dream... is to destroy George Clooney. That arrogant, overrated, memo-writing bastard! He's not even an actor! He just does the same cheesy move every time. Looks down, then looks back up squinting underneath his eyebrows. And everybody's buying it! God, if I just had the chance. I know exactly how I'd bring him down. You see, Clooney's never fallen in love. It's always a fling here, a fling there. Well, I'd make him fall in love with *me*. And then I'd break his heart and watch him cry until his eyeballs bleed!

  Stanley Smith : Francine, I'm sorry, but that's the craziest most unsettling thing I've ever heard in my entire life. And we're totally gonna make it happen!

• Raina : As you can see, Mrs. Smith we are positioned directly across the street from Clooney's hotel.

  Francine Smith : Are they building a basketball court in his hotel room?

  Raina : Clooney has it written into all of his movie contracts.

  Francine Smith : What do the Coen brothers see in him?

  [Francine punches her fist through a glass window] 

• [Francine is preparing to kill George Clooney with an axe] 

  Stanley Smith : Wait! I've gone along with you on this whole thing no questions asked, but now I've gotta know. What the hell Francine? What is this really about? I mean I hate Susan Serandon but you don't see me cutting off my hand. I just... cut my hair different for a while.

  Francine Smith : What is this about? Just look at that **** with cucumbers on his eyes. Not a care in the world. No making school lunches, no grocery shopping, no cleaning the house, no one depending on him all the time!

  Stanley Smith : Oh God! This isn't about some unfulfilled dream. You're having a midlife crisis and you're taking it out on a future senator from California!

  Francine Smith : [stunned]  Midlife crisis... wait, future senator?

  [irate] 

  Francine Smith : Oh I will ******* chop his head in two!

  Stanley Smith : Francine, don't you see. Sure, Clooney has no cares, no-one that depends on him, but... he HAS no one that DEPENDS on him! But you; you have a family. A son, a daughter...

  Francine Smith : ...and a husband, who took a sabbatical from work, moved to Prague, and hired mercenaries to help his wife seduce another man! You probably would have let me sleep with him.

  Stanley Smith : Of course! I assumed you did!

  [both laugh hysterically] 

  Francine Smith : I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

  [both turn and stare at Clooney] 

  Francine Smith : You know, I actually feel sorry for him. He'll never know this kind of happiness. Let's go home.

• Stanley Smith : Wait! I've gone along with you on this whole thing no questions asked, but now I've gotta know. What the hell Francine? What is this really about? I mean I hate Susan Serandon but you don't see me cutting off my hand. I just... cut my hair different for a while.

  Francine Smith : What is this about? Just look at that fuck with cucumbers on his eyes. Not a care in the world. No making school lunches, no grocery shopping, no cleaning the house, no one depending on him all the time!

  Stanley Smith : Oh God! This isn't about some unfulfilled dream. You're having a midlife crisis and you're taking it out on a future senator from California!

  Francine Smith : [stunned]  Midlife crisis... wait, future senator?

  [irate] 

  Francine Smith : Oh I will fucking chop his head in two!

  Stanley Smith : Francine, don't you see. Sure, Clooney has no cares, no-one that depends on him, but... he HAS no one that DEPENDS on him! But you; you have a family. A son, a daughter...

  Francine Smith : ...and a husband, who took a sabbatical from work, moved to Prague, and hired mercenaries to help his wife seduce another man! You probably would have let me sleep with him.

  Stanley Smith : Of course! I assumed you did!

  Francine Smith : [both laugh hysterically]  I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

  Francine Smith : [both turn and stare at Clooney]  You know, I actually feel sorry for him. He'll never know this kind of happiness. Let's go home.