- Carter Pewterschmidt: You look familar.
- Gardener: I was your gardener for twelve years.
- Carter Pewterschmidt: Oh. You look different without my lawn under you.
- Gardener: I don't take the lawn with me when I go.
- Carter Pewterschmidt: Well, I was right to trust you with it then.
- Peter Griffin: [to Carter] I promise, you'll love it here, even more than Julia Roberts loves herself.
- [cut to Julia Roberts, standing in front of a display of candles]
- Julia Roberts: Hi, I'm Julia Roberts. You know, a lot of people died in the tsunami, but don't worry, I didn't. And I'll be here to entertain you and love my life for many, many years to come. Me! ME! MEEEEEEE!
- [hugs herself and laughs uncontrollably]
- Betty White: [to Peter] Hi. I'm Betty White. I just got a subpoena regarding an erotic novel and I'm looking for the son of a bitch responsible.
- Cleveland Brown: I'm no school administrator, but there's an extension program goin' on in my trousers.
- Stewie: [about Chris, who's lying on the floor, unconcious] Look at him. Look how fat he is.