It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (TV Series)
Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom (2006)
Glenn Howerton: Dennis Reynolds
Photos
Quotes
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Dennis Reynolds : What the hell is she doing here?
Waitress : What the hell is she doing here? Really? Really. I'll tell you what I'm doing here. You wanna know what I'm doing here, shit-for-brains? I had sex with your dad! That's right! I had sex with your father, because just like you, I like my sex old and ugly! And with fake hair on their heads that falls off when you're having sex with them! It just falls off, because that's what you do, Dennis Reynolds - you like to have sex with old people! And you said that you loved me! You said "I love you", and so I thought "Okay, well, I love you too"! How do you show love? You go and have sex with old people, SO THAT'S WHAT I DID TOO!
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Dennis Reynolds : Hey!
Waitress : Dennis, hey!
Dennis Reynolds : Got somethin' for ya.
Waitress : What?
[Dennis gives her flowers]
Waitress : Really?
Dennis Reynolds : Yeah!
Waitress : Wow, oh, thank you! That's really nice.
Dennis Reynolds : Can I take your coat?
Waitress : Uh, are we staying here?
Dennis Reynolds : No no, I just want to have a look at what you're wearing.
Waitress : Ah, haha, okay.
[takes off coat, poses for Dennis]
Waitress : So, what do you think?
Dennis Reynolds : Yyyyeah, okay... that'll work. Are you not wearing make up?
Waitress : ...I'm wearing make up.
Dennis Reynolds : Really?
Waitress : Yeah.
Dennis Reynolds : Do you have any more?
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Mrs. Mac : Don't find you attractive.
Dennis Reynolds : What?
Mrs. Mac : I think you're an ugly man.
Dennis Reynolds : You think I'm ugly?
Mrs. Mac : Yeah.
Dennis Reynolds : I'm not ugly. You're ugly.
Mrs. Mac : Yeah.
Dennis Reynolds : [getting fed up] Jesus Christ. What is wrong with you, woman? You're saying that I'm un... you don't find me attractive?
Mrs. Mac : No.
Dennis Reynolds : And you're what, not gonna have sex with me?
Mrs. Mac : No.
Dennis Reynolds : This is ridiculous. I'm, I'm out of here.
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Dennis Reynolds : Okay, listen. Here's the deal. Uh, I'm gonna bang her tonight, probably around 10:30 or so. Now, I really don't wanna do that. So all you have to do to stop me is call my cell phone, by 10:30, and say "Dennis, you don't have to do Charlie Work anymore".
Charlie Kelly : You're not gonna get away with this.
Dennis Reynolds : Oh yeah, I will. I'll get away with it. 10:30, okay?
[Dennis opens door]
Dennis Reynolds : [whispers] 10:30.
Charlie Kelly : [after Dennis leaves] Gonna blackmail me? You gonna blackmail me, Dennis Reynolds?
[Charlie angrily smashes his house of cards]
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Waitress : No, I'm not going to ask you inside, Dennis.
Dennis Reynolds : Why not?
Waitress : Because... I really... like you.
Dennis Reynolds : Well, yeah, I mean... I really like you, too...
Waitress : Then let's just take it slow, okay?
Dennis Reynolds : Wait, wait... Uh... I... love... you...
Waitress : ...Ha! I... I kinda don't know what to say!
Dennis Reynolds : I kinda don't want you to say anything.
[the Waitress leans in for a kiss. Dennis' phone rings]
Dennis Reynolds : Hold that thought.
[turns away, takes call]
Dennis Reynolds : Yo.
Charlie Kelly : I'm ready to talk.
Dennis Reynolds : Cuttin' it pretty close there, pal. I almost sealed the deal.
Charlie Kelly : Just meet me at Paddy's and we'll work it all out.
[hangs up, Dennis turns back to the Waitress]
Waitress : Heh, sorry about that. I feel like maybe I was being a little judgmental.
Dennis Reynolds : You're good! Haha.
Waitress : Haha, okay. Well let's go.
Dennis Reynolds : No. Uh, you were right, I sh... I'm gonna go. Yeah. I'm gonna go now, we should take it slow - you were right.
Waitress : Really? Because I... don't... need to now...
Dennis Reynolds : [starts walking away] I think it's good, I think it's real good.
Waitress : Call me!
Dennis Reynolds : Ahahahaha!
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Dennis Reynolds : [holding flowers and chocolates] Hi.
Mrs. Mac : What?
Dennis Reynolds : I'm looking for Mrs. Mac. Is she in? I'm a friend of her son's.
Mrs. Mac : I know you, Dennis.
Dennis Reynolds : Oh... oh, my God... ah... it's been a long time. I haven't seen you in a while, you look different.
Mrs. Mac : I gained a little weight.
Dennis Reynolds : Is that what it is? 'Looks good on ya.
Mrs. Mac : Yeah.
Dennis Reynolds : Yeah... Mind if I sit?
[Mrs. Mac groans]
Dennis Reynolds : So, watching a little TV outside, huh?
Mrs. Mac : I like the fresh air.
Dennis Reynolds : Probably gets a little lonely though, every once in a while, watching TV out here by yourself. Every once in a while you probably want a man, right?
[Mrs. Mac sighs]
Dennis Reynolds : Someone to fulfill your desires?
[puts hand on Mrs. Mac's thigh]
Mrs. Mac : Oh... Not interested.
Dennis Reynolds : Don't fight it, Mrs. Mac. Why don't we go inside and have a little fun.
Mrs. Mac : 'Don't find you attractive.
Dennis Reynolds : What?
Mrs. Mac : I think you're an ugly man.
Dennis Reynolds : You think I'm ugly?
Mrs. Mac : Yeah.
Dennis Reynolds : I'm not ugly, you're ugly.
Mrs. Mac : Yeah.