- Berta: Well, you know what they say: early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and can't get laid, huh?
- Charlie Harper: Maybe I'm not trying.
- Berta: Yeah, and look for me next month on the cover of Maxim. I'll have nothing on but the vacuum.
- Charlie Harper: So, how big a difference are we talking about ?
- Kandi: It's *huge*.
- Charlie Harper: Really?
- Kandi: Oh, yeah. With you, sex is kinda like going on Space Mountain. It's a good ride, but there's never any real danger.
- [Charlie looks a little puzzled]
- Kandi: With Alan, it's like being in the back seat of a car driven by a really smart kangaroo. He may go up on the curb a couple of times, but he'll get you there.
- Charlie Harper: Okay. Thanks for clearing that up.
- [Kandi leaves room]
- Charlie Harper: [knowing he's won] There's a two hour wait for Space Mountain.
- Charlie Harper: Isn't there something you could be doing?
- Berta: Well...
- [turns to look at Kandi]
- Berta: I could go rub some oil on her, but I don't trust myself.
- Charlie Harper: Berta, please don't take this the wrong way, but it's been a long time for me... and you're starting to turn me on.
- Berta: I'm outta here.
- Kandi: [Kandi enters the kitchen as Berta is leaving] Hi, Berta!
- Berta: Hey, baby.
- Berta: [Berta and Charlie are watching Kandi applying sun lotion outside on the deck] Okay, I haven't sampled anything from the other side of the buffet since I travelled with the Grateful Dead, but golly, Moses! She's a muffin! Interesting turn of events, your brother hitting one of your hand-me-downs. And the way things are going, you couldn't get lucky if you painted your penis to look like money.
- Charlie Harper: Don't think I haven't tried.