Michael Rapaport: Dave Gold

Quotes 

• Dave Gold : Yeah, Vicky, wow. Why the hell do you look so good?

  Vicky Gold : Dave, you spoil me with all those compliments.

• Dave Gold : [about Hillary]  Where am I taking her?

  Vicky Gold : To the gynecologist.

  Dave Gold : Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's not my area. I mean, that is my area, but only when that area is your area. Her area... that's out of my area.

• Vicky Gold : Hillary, tell your father why you have to see the gynecologist today.

  Hillary Gold : Because I have terrible PMS, and cramps, and bloating, and a very heavy flow.

  Dave Gold : Aah, aah, okay, okay, that's enough. I heard enough. I'll take her, just stop talking.

• Dave Gold : Hey, what do you know? The horniest hound from my high school is my daughter's gynecologist. No!

• Dave Gold : It turns out Hillary's doctor is someone I went to high school with.

  Vicky Gold : You're kidding. You know Dr. Vogel?

  Dave Gold : Oh, yeah, I know all about him. Let's just say he turned his hobby into his career.

  Vicky Gold : What do you mean, he was President of the Pap Smear Club?

  Dave Gold : In a matter of speaking, yes. I mean, in high school, all this guy talked about was getting into girls' pants. At least back then he had to work at it. Now all he has to do is say next!

• Vicky Gold : I've been going to Dr. Vogel for, like, three years now, and he's been nothing but professional...

  Dave Gold : Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He's, uh... he's seen you, too?

  Vicky Gold : Not only has he seen me, I paid him to look at it.

• Vicky Gold : So you had a problem with me doing business with Dr. Vogel until suddenly, you had business to do with Dr. Vogel.

  Dave Gold : First of all, when I do business with him, my pants aren't off, and my feet aren't in the air.

• Hillary Gold : What are you calling Dr. Vogel for?

  Dave Gold : [scene cuts]  To tell him he's gotten his last peek at my wife and daughter's woo-woos.

• Dave Gold : Come on! Come on. I've been very mature about this. I discussed it calmly and rationally. I didn't even scream or yell! Come on!

  Vicky Gold : Yeah. You mean like you're doing now?

  Dave Gold : That's 'cause you're making me!

  Vicky Gold : Hey, just because you handled it maturely doesn't mean you get what you want.

  Dave Gold : But that's not fair!

  Vicky Gold : I'm sorry if it bothers you, but I think Vogel is an excellent doctor, and I'm very comfortable with him.

  Dave Gold : Well, I'm not.

  Vicky Gold : Then I suggest you don't let him examine your vagina.